Can I make it better?
by BeckaBoo1735
Summary: When Sam starts to have severe back pain one night, Dean is there for him trying to do everything in his power to help his brother. Sick and in pain Sam, big brother worried slightly sick Dean.
1. It Hurts

**I wrote this in my head the other week when I was sat in my law exam with 30 minutes to spare and nothing else to write. My mind wandered when I got bored at looking at the clock. This was just cos I got back ache and cold at the time too. **

**Can I make it better?**

**Summary: When Sam starts to have severe back pain one night, Dean is there for him trying to do everything in his power to help his brother. Sick and in pain Sam, big brother worried slightly sick Dean. **

**Set sometime is season 1. **

_**Side kick-Bia1007**_

_**Beta- MonkeyMuse**_

**It Hurts **

Sam stared at the wall and sighed for the hundredth time, he was so uncomfortable, he wanted to turn over, find a better position to lay in, but _his_ bed had to be one that creaked and he didn't want to wake Dean. His brother was the one doing all the leg work last week in freezing temperatures while he sat in front of his laptop doing the easy job of research. As a result, Dean had gotten sick, clogged nose, nasty chest, hammering headache, a fever, the works, he'd been laid up in bed for the last 2 days once the hunt was finished.

But that didn't change the fact that he couldn't sleep, his back was killing him. It felt like someone had kneed him in the back and now he was left with waves of after pain, and possibly someone rubbing their knuckles between his spinal discs just to make him even more miserable. The thing that bothered him though was the fact that he hadn't done anything, hell, he was lounging around in the motel when Dean went to go take out the spirit they had been chasing all week.

Once again he shuffled his legs and brought his knees to his chest, then carefully and slowly straightened them out again when that only made the pain worse.

"Sam what the hell man?" he heard a croaky Dean ask and he cursed himself for waking his brother, or maybe because of all his shuffling he hadn't even been able to drop off. He gave himself a pat on the back for that one_, nice work Sam._

"Nothing, sorry."

"Come on dude you're shuffling like you got ants in your pants."

"It's nothing, go to sleep." And again Sam took the moment of mid speech to shuffle his legs, maybe Dean wouldn't hear then if he talked over the sheets rustling.

"Come on dude, I didn't put itching powder on your underwear again so unless you've got flees-"

"Dean I'm fine."

_Yeah, of course you are. _"You sure?" Dean asked instead.

There was a long sigh, and a pause before Sam huffed out the, "yeah I'm fine," Dean was waiting for.

As he stared at the unevenly plastered wall yet again Sam thought of how he hated the silence in the room now, silence meant Dean wasn't snoring, which meant he wasn't going back to sleep, he was wide awake and thinking as loud as him right now. But on the bright side, now he knew Dean was awake, he didn't have any other reason not to try and get comfy by turning over and creaking the bed, so he did.

_Big mistake!_ "Mmmmhh," he whimpered when the pain exploded, the invisible knee in his spine that was there before had been replaced by a football player's helmeted head running into him and knuckles in his discs had turned to huge steel toed boots now he was on his back.

"Sammy?" Dean asked sitting up in bed when he heard his brother cry out.

"What?" he asked trying to block out the pain erupting through his body by squeezing his eyes so tight, water were almost leaking from them. _Closing your eyes, that'll make the pain go away, good choice Sam, _he praised himself.

"Dude what's up? You hurt?"

"No, I've been in the motel all week, sitting." _While you are out doing all the work._

"Dude you were researching, wasn't any sense in both of us being out there in the freezing cold."

"We could have switched sometimes."

"Yeah but I suck at research, so it made more sense you staying here in the motel looking for leads for me to go after," and that was that, Dean's way of saying stop beating yourself up or I'll kick your ass myself.

"Dean you're sick thanks to that brilliant idea."

"No, I _had_ a cold," Dean made it very clear he was speaking past tense about the cold, which by the sounds of his voice was clearing up thankfully. "Cold is a whole different thing to being sick, and besides, you don't get cold from being out in the cold, didn't they teach you that Stanford college boy?"

"Haha."

"So what's up?" Dean pushed.

"Nothing I'm fine."

"_Sam_," and there it was, Dean's classic 'I'm your big brother and you do as I say,' voice that meant he wasn't going to shut up about it, no matter how tired or how much cold he had.

"Dean I'm not the one that's sick."

"Neither am I, so spill."

"Dean I'm-" Sam caught sight of his brother's glare thanks to the streetlights so he gave in. "Just...my back kinda hurts."

"Any particular reason? I mean you used to get back ache all the time right?"

"Cos I was growing, I'm pretty sure I stopped about 5 years ago. So no, no reason that I know of."

"It hurts bad?" Dean wasn't really asking, he knew the answer already, it must been pretty painful if it was keeping both of them up.

"Not that bad," Sam lied turning to lie on his front with his head buried in the pillow, that way hopefully if he screamed like he was dying to, or worse, embarrassed himself by whimpering again, the pillow would muffle it a little.

"Alright, that's it," Dean said pushing from the bed and crossing the distance between the two beds in less than 3 steps.

"What are you doing?" Sam asked without taking his head from the pillow, it wasn't that he couldn't, he just daren't. He whined when he felt the covers lift off his top half and hissed when Dean lifted his t-shirt and pressed a hand to his lower back, _damn that hurts._

"Jeez man could you be any more tense?"

Sam wasn't sure if that was a rhetorical joke or a concerned question, he got his answer when Dean rubbed his back further, he hadn't realized his back muscles were so tight and only did when Dean's hand lifted and the extra weight on the edge of his bed was gone. For a second he wondered if Dean had gone back to bed, he kinda hoped he had, he didn't want to be pain in the ass any longer, but he also felt a little hurt if Dean had just brushed him off and gone back to sleep.

"I'm gonna get you some Tylenol." Not that he would admit it, but he smiled in relief the second he heard his brother speak again, and it wasn't anything to do with the pain relief. Then there were the sounds of feet walking past his bed before Dean's blowing of his nose, the toilet flushing then the bathroom tap running.

Dean was back by his side and his bed dipped again. "1 or 2?" Sam didn't even have chance to answer before his brother pried him from the pillow and turned him on his side making him grunt in pain, he saw the look of guilt in Dean's eyes when he did so.

He took the glass, grimacing as he was forced to sit up so he didn't choke, he washed the 2 pills offered down with some water then sighed in pure misery when he shuffled back down the headboard and no matter what position he laid in, nothing helped his back, only made it worse.

20 long and frustrating minutes later the pills had done nothing, his back was still screaming at him and if it was possible, he was pretty sure it was getting worse. Dean had yet to move from his side, sure Dean put the TV on knowing neither of them were going to sleep but he was still sitting on the edge of his bed, his excuse being Sam's had better view of the screen. It was appreciated gravely but the longer his brother stayed sat next to him, the more Sam felt guilty for keeping him up, probably making him ill again in the process.

"Ice or heat patch?" Dean asked knowing his little brother was still in pain and the Tylenol had done jack squat.

Sam shivered at the thought of ice, he always hated ice therapy as opposed to heat on any injury that wasn't a bruise, and even then he had to be forced to keep the sharp freeze to his swelled skin, even to this day and he was a grown man for crying out loud. But the ice machine was just around the corner, and heat packs were all the way down town on a pharmacy shelf because it was something they never really had these days.

Dean wasn't going to settle for him saying nothing for the third time so he replied with the option of, "Ice," not wanting to trouble his brother further.

"Yeah right, I'll be back in 10, don't move."

Sam forgot about his back and sat up in a flash to stop his brother, "Dean I'm-"

"I said don't move, if it makes you feel any better, I'll put on 2 pairs of socks before I go outside in the snow _mom_."

Dean then got dressed and left, Sam didn't know whether he wanted to punch Dean or hug him when he heard the sounds of the car starting up.

Know alone, the room was just too dead and empty...so he took the chance to let out something close between a frustrated curse and a strangled sob, his brother could handle beatings, bullet wounds, broken bones and dislocated joints, and he was sat there complaining about his back that he'd done nothing to. _What the hell is wrong with me?_

He gave the mattress a good punch knowing if he didn't, he might find a way to kick himself in the head literally, back pain or no back pain.

He shuffled, and he huffed and he mewed to no one, it hurt like hell, it was getting worse, he was alone and he was a loser.

He tried to reach for the phone wanting to know how many minutes had passed, he got his hand to find his cell but in his clumsy fumbling to grab it, the phone dropped to the floor and so did he. As he crashed to the hard ground he landed flat on the most sensitive part of his spine and let out a long cry and by this point he found himself whimpering with every breath, every nerve in his body was burning.

He started to count in seconds to both keep score on the time passing and try to get his mind on anything else, but he found himself counting to 2 minutes 3 seconds then losing it to his emotions, so he cried actual tears, something he hadn't done since Jess, curled into an impossibly tight ball and sat rocking himself back and forth begging for Dean too come back. He just needed Dean to come back, he didn't care if he came back with ice, he just wanted his brother to come back.

**SPN**

Dean hated to leave his brother alone in pain but he didn't really have a choice, Sam couldn't just sit there suffering, and he couldn't watch so he got in his car and drove to the nearest pharmacy, it wasn't far, he knew because he and Sam had been there once already this week to get him some nose un-blocker stuff and other sissy things Sam insisted on.

But he felt much better today, Sam had been running round like a mother hen for 2 days none stop, and that was 2 days too long if you asked Dean, but he sucked it up and let the mother henning commence. But now that didn't matter, he couldn't care less if he was dying, as long as Sam was in pain, he came first...hell, even if he was dying and Sam was perfectly fine, Sam. Came. First!

He got to the store, pleased it was empty, then again who goes for pharmacy supplies at 3 in the morning, oh, that's right, he did. It took him a while to track down the back muscle section and when he got there, there were way too many things to chose from, he picked up a tube of some back heat cream, he put it straight back down when he remembered how much Sam hated that stuff. Their dad bought it once when Sam was about 13, stubborn as a mule and practically paralyzed from some anonymous back pain, that cream was one of the remedies he and his father came up with and the reaction was severe to say the least. His baby brother practically screamed the place down when the cream got working, he said it felt like it was scolding his skin away and he wanted it off! Trouble was by then, the cream had soaked into his skin.

Their dad calmly shushed Sam and told him to just give it a few minutes to settle and get working, but Sam cried and pleaded until John picked him up into his arms, ran to the bathroom and placed Sam in the tub. He grabbed the shower head from the hook and held it over Sam's skin washing where he rubbed the stuff, setting the water as cold as it would go, more heat was not what Sam needed at that time. Dean distinctively remembered Sam's back being a painful shade of red and burning hot to the touch when he was holding him up as their dad carried on washing away the murderous stuff.

His brother cried himself to sleep in the bathtub in their arms that night and it was days later when he could finally move again, Dean wasn't sure if it was in Sam's head or what but that kid always had back problems, always, but they had never to this day found out what the source or reason was.

He didn't really know what to get so he grabbed a butt load of different things, more painkillers, just in case, back heat patches, a hot water bottle.

He wasn't sure what else to get so he went to the counter and asked the guy for advice.

"Well what's your brother's condition?"

"I don't know really, but when he was a kid he used to get really bad back pain and he couldn't move for days, pills don't help and that heat cream stuff burned him last time he used it. He's practically a sasquatch so we just figured it was growing pains back then. Hasn't happened for years but it's started up again tonight."

"How old is your brother?"

"23," Dean replied.

"Oh, so not growing pains anymore then at his age. Any chance he's pulled something recently?"

"No, been sat inside our motel room for the last week, weathers kinda got in the way of going out and I doubt you can pull your back lying in bed and sitting on a chair."

The guy nodded, Dean really didn't know what to make of it but after a little more small talk the guy highly recommended a memory foam foldable mattress and pillow to help with Sam's back, surprise surpsise, they were the one the most expensive things on that particular shelf.

He paid for them all and didn't really care for the money lost, it was for Sam, screw his poker winnings.

He got back in the car and looked at the dashboard clock as he turned the key and started it up, he had been gone 17 minutes, crap! He never planned on being the 10 he told Sam about, never mind 17 god damn minutes.

He drove back to the motel in record time and blew his nose before getting out and turning the key to unlock the motel door, he hoped Sam had found a way to fall to sleep by now, but his hopes were crushed when he caught sight of his brother.

"Sam what the hell are you doing? I told you not to move!" he cursed rushing to Sam curled up on the floor between the two beds, panting and whimpering.

"S-sorry," he sobbed shaking in his fatal position as Dean held his shoulders, trying to lift his head to see his face.

"Sammy, man what going on? You're scaring me here."

"God...hurts."

"Okay, let's get you up."

"NO!" Sam cried, freezing as Dean made a move to lift him.

Dean didn't warn him this time as he lifted his upper half with one hand wrapped around his chest and hooked his arms under Sam's knees to lift his legs and eventually Sam was back on his bed whimpering and howling in agony, rolling back and forth on the bed until he settled for laying on his front again with his teeth sunken into the pillow.

"Alright, it's alright, just catch your breath, it's okay Sammy, sssh, just relax," he cooed rubbing circles on Sam's lower back as he settled and the howling died down to small mews. "What happened Sammy?" he asked when his brother had calmed down enough to breathe normally.

"F-fell."

"Dude I told you not to move," Dean wasn't mad, he was worried as hell. "Alright, you better now?"

Sam nodded into the pillow, even though he wasn't, but at least Dean was back which was the main thing.

"Wanna try some of this stuff?"

Again Sam nodded and tried his best not to cry out when Dean left his bed again, he was going to come back, he was. He heard the kettle turn on and the tap running, then Dean was back sitting by his side.

"Hot water bottle first, tell me if it's too hot."

But it wasn't, it was just right, the towel it was wrapped in made it all the better, it was warm and soft and Dean's hand over it, adding pressure to his spine, took the edge off his pain and the tension from his neck.

"You okay there Sam?" Dean asked, concern very evident in his voice.

"Yeah...s'good," Sam breathed but when Dean's hand left he couldn't quite catch the cry that left his lips.

"Still here man, just give me a sec."

Sam heard some more rustling of bags and Dean taking packaging off from something.

The next thing he knew, his sheets were pulled from under him and something was laid next to him, but it wasn't Dean.

"I need you to shuffle to this side, new mattress and pillow, this guy said was a miracle."

"Huh?"

"Memory foam mattress Sammy, role onto it, its right next to you, come on dude, it's not far."

Sam did as he was told, it didn't hurt that bad and Dean helped him up to the foam that was about 5 inch higher than the mattress he was currently on. Once he was settled again, Dean went around to the other side and pulled the mattress with him on it further to the middle of the bed. The hot water bottle that had shifted was replaced and so was Dean's hand. 5 minutes of laying on the foam and Sam was sure he had reached heaven, compared to what hell he was in minutes ago anyway.

"Feeling better dude?" Dean asked squeezing Sam's tense free neck with his free hand.

"Yeah, much, thanks."

"No problem." Dean then managed to kick his boots and his jeans off without moving the hand on Sam's back and warned him just before taking it away to get his jacket off and his sweats back on. "Night Sammy," he said after making himself comfortable on the spare half on his brothers bed, without any excuses of lame jokes over why he was there.

Just when Dean felt the hot water bottle turn from hot to lukewarm, Sam had finally given into exhaustion and after taking the bottle away, he wasn't far behind.

**The End...possibly!**

**When I wrote this in my head, Sam's pain wasn't meant to be nearly as severe as this but it just took on a life of its own when I started typing. I'm still deciding on more or not, mostly because I really enjoyed writing it, so you guys tell me! :D**


	2. The Walk

_**Side kick/Beta -Bia1007**_ & _**MonkeyMuse**_

**The Walk**

Sam groaned awake, and almost cried when he realized his back still ached, not as bad as when he fell or the few seconds before, but it still hurt, at least it wasn't enough to wake him before his brother.

"Morning Sammy," he heard his brother greet, Dean sounded chirpy...which meant he was trying to hide how worried he still was.

"Morning," Sam replied, trying to act like nothing was wrong, but he didn't move, the right side of his face was still buried in his foam pillow and he had no intentions to remove it anytime soon.

"How're you feeling?"

"Fine, thanks."

"That bad huh?"

"I'm okay," he tried sighing into the pillow he was still facing as he laid on his front.

"Yeah, so that's why you've not moved an inch since you've woke up?"

Sam sniggered under his breath then moved to push himself up and onto his back, to prove Dean wrong of course. He didn't know if he was relieved or pissed when a hand on his neck stopped him, on top of that he was confused with how fast Dean was next to him, wasn't he just on the opposite side of the room?

"Don't do be doing anything stupid trying to be a smart ass," the hand was then taken away, allowing Sam sit up slowly as ordered. It sort of hurt, mostly because he was so stiff from sleeping so soundly. But it still hurt the most to lean back on his back fully, so he waited until his nerve and bones settled as he sat mostly on his hip leaning to the side. Now he had a great view of the wall he was growing to despise, he wanted to prove Dean wrong, act like he didn't have to worry but laying on his back, or sitting up fully with his spine holding his weight just seemed like hell right now.

"Alright, I searched online about back pains-"

"I thought you sucked at research?"

"Well I'm good when I need to be, selective brilliance I guess."

"Yeah right, if that's your story."

"You wanna hear this or not?" Sam couldn't see his brother but he could feel the snigger sent his way.

"Go ahead, enlighten me."

"Right, okay, so looking at some stuff on here, your back thing can either be nothing...a thing called non specific back pain and from what I gather it just means it hurts for no reason and then it's gone and never comes back. Or...this can either be something pretty bad Sammy."

"Dean it's nothing, it's the first one, come on man you type in sneeze in the search engine and you get 'you have TB' or you type in head ache and you've apparently got a brain tumour, it's nothing, I'm telling you it's nothing, it's totally fine-"

"Sammy would you shut up for a second?" Sam was babbling, which meant he was worried too, and that couldn't be good but Dean tried to keep a calm head for his brother.

"What?" Sam asked stopping his rant.

"Look, I'm not saying this is bad I'm just saying it might be, and from what I saw last night it's not this non specific crap cos for starts its still there right?" Dean knew his brother too well; Sam didn't really have the opportunity to down play how much it still ached so he just reluctantly nodded. "Right for the sake of arguments, this probably is just something that'll go away; it always has in the past. But if it doesn't go away in a couple of days or it gets worse then we're going to get you checked out."

It wasn't up for discussion, Dean was using that big brother voice, it was something he had learned from their dad when he gave an order, the thing was he hardly ever listened to John when he was given orders, but for some reason he always listened to his brother, so he nodded in agreement with Dean, a few days, it would be better by then so sure.

"But you gotta tell me if it gets worse."

"I will."

Dean nodded trusting his brother to do that.

"Alright, another thing I found out was if this is something and nothing, then keeping up your normal daily life as much as possible should help."

"You found us a hunt?" Sam had to admit, he wasn't really feeling up to a job, but if Dean thought he was, he must believe this wasn't serious.

"What are you insane? No I just meant we'd go out and take a walk or something."

"Oh," _okay that's not very reassuring._

"Come on, get ya ass up, I think I've waited long enough for breakfast."

Sam took a deep breath before sitting up carefully, testing out his spine and crinking his neck before putting his feet to the floor and pushing up with help from the headboard. When he swayed on his feet Dean was there to grab his arm in a second.

"Probably from not moving at all for 10 hours straight," he said, he wasn't sure if he was reassuring Sam or himself.

Sam nodded then batted Dean's hand away when he felt stable enough to walk himself. Dean handed him a set of clothes and waved him off to the bathroom, wincing as his brother walked stiffly and painfully before closing the door for some privacy.

Seeing how Sam was this morning he thought maybe the whole taking a walk thing wasn't such a good idea, all the websites said to keep moving and exercising if you have back injuries but he didn't exactly trust some crappy internet people with his brother's health. What if they got out there and Sam couldn't move all of a sudden and he was stuck out in the freezing cold and in pain. Or what if moving around shifted something and paralyzed Sam? What if this wasn't just nothing?

"Ready," he heard before his pessimistic mind could go any further, but then he noticed Sam didn't have his t-shirt on, it was in his hand not on his back, but thinking about it, it must be pretty hard work to reach up and get something over your head and through your arms with a bad back. He chose not to say anything as Sam put his t-shirt on the bed, yes put, not tossed, _put_. Again he didn't speak up, tell Sam he should get back in bed, instead he open up his brothers duffle and got him his hooded sweatshirt as a substitute and was more than happy when Sam zipped it on without arguments and then put his winter sports jacket over the top.

They left the motel room and Dean slowed his pace for Sam who he could tell was in pain, if he went any faster Sam sure as hell would keep up, and that wasn't going to do him any good.

Almost 10 minutes later of walking aimlessly they hadn't seem to have gotten any closer to a diner or anywhere that sold food and Sam was getting slower with ever step and a few times Dean caught him prodding his back, out of the corner of his eye.

"You wanna go back?" he asked when Sam looked close to toppling over, not just in pain, but near exhaustion too.

Sam shook his head, it was hard enough getting there, he couldn't walk back, if he turned he was sure his back would snap in half. And the motel seemed impossible to reach, this is where he thought the Men in Black car remote control would come in handy, one press of a button and the Impala would be right there in a flash. Hell, it would be cool to have a impala like the Knight Rider car Kit. Thinking about an impala that could talk and understand everything that was going on in it was a scary, yet funny thought. Making Sam grin despite the pain that was throbbing in his lower back, oh the stories that car could tell.

"Here," Dean said bringing him from his thoughts when he pulled out a red box from his inside pocket, what was Dean doing with heat patches in his pocket? "I read the cold makes back problems worse and heat patches solve that problem."

It was a little embarrassing when Dean made him turn around and lift his shirt in the middle of the street so he could stick the patch to his lower back, but when it started warming up, he really didn't care.

"Better?" Dean asked already knowing the answer when he saw most of the pain lines on Sam's forehead dissipate.

"Yeah, thanks."

"Alright, let's head back, I think that's enough exercise for you my brother."

Sam couldn't agree more.

_**SPN**_

When they got back to the motel the first time after not having much luck with the food searching, Sam had slept like a baby for a few hours and when he woke up sometime around 3 in the afternoon his back felt much better. He wasn't as stiff and when he moved in bed it didn't hurt as much or as suddenly so from then onwards Dean kept up the walking routine once in the morning and once in the evening for the last 3 days with his brother and it seemed to be working. Until yesterday when the usual 10 minute walk had been extended to 35 minutes when Sam insisted on going further and further until they got lost and not to mention, Dean forgot the heat patches. 55 minutes of walking in total they finally got back to the motel and Sam practically collapsing in the parking lot.

He whimpered and rolled about for a good 5 minutes on the bed and when Dean asked what he was doing he mumbled something about it hurting so much more when he let himself fall still and he wasn't ready for it just yet so he kept tossing and turning until finally coming to a stop. Dean saw the water gather in his brothers eyes when he did so and knew it was all his fault, if he had stopped Sam from pushing further and if _he_ had brought the heat patches, Sam wouldn't be in this much pain right now.

The next morning Sam promised Dean he felt much better, the walk had worked even better than the short ones and he was ready to get back to normal, he wanted a hunt, it was a total lie, his back felt like it a house had fallen on him, a truck ran over him and to top it off the truck driver had beaten him with a bat for good measure. But Dean didn't need to know that, he had worried too much already and he was getting sick again. Everything in Sam wanted to kick Dean for not taking care of himself too, he looked like crap.

But Dean wasn't falling for Sam's act, how stupid did he look?

"Honestly Dean, I feel fine today."

"Good, we can get moving then, pack your crap, we're leaving in 10."

Sam couldn't even bring himself to think about 8 straight hours sitting in a car right now, cramped and tight and god how much was that going to hurt when they stopped. But he stood as smooth as he could manage and went to the bathroom to get ready anyway, grabbing the clothes he had on yesterday that were thankfully on the back of a motel chair at arms height. He felt the sting of embarrassment when he wondered how they got there, he didn't take them off last night, taking his clothes off was the last thing on his mind last night. _Your brother undressing you at bed time...wow, now that's just downright shameful. _

He went for a pee, didn't even notice how hard it was to do. Then sat on the end of the tub slowly and stiffly and somehow without bending over too far got his jeans around his waist. Manoeuvring a t-shirt over his head was hell but he needed to show Dean he was well enough to do something as little as getting dressed properly, so he managed it with little audible whimpers before dressing the rest of himself and leaving the bathroom.

"I can pack you know?" he snorted when he saw Dean putting his bags in the trunk already, he probably couldn't have packed without Dean noticing something but that wasn't the point.

Apart from Dean's music blaring, it was strangely quiet in the car, Dean didn't really look too happy, and Sam wasn't in the mood to get his head bitten off so neither of them said anything...until they pulled into a clinic, just 25 minutes into the drive that was.

_Okay not what I was expecting._

"Come on."

"Dude what's going on?"

"We're gonna get your back checked out, that's what going on."

Sam flinched when Dean got out and slammed his door as hard as he possibly could, not waiting up as he struggled to leave his own seat and close his own door, he hadn't realized how much effort it took to move those freakin doors until today.

Sam didn't say anything as he followed Dean inside the clinic, 10 paces behind his brother, slowing down and struggling more with every step towards the small building.

He sat like a good little boy when Dean checked him in and almost made a joke when his brother didn't hit on the hot receptionist, but he refrained from doing so as he wanted to make a point to Dean that A: he didn't need to be there. And B, he was pissed at him for dragging him to a doctor's office without telling him; Dean was clearly not planning on moving to another hunt like he said first thing.

"Samuel Cook?"

When the doctor called his _name_, Dean went to hold Sam's arm to help him from the extremely low chair, but he was batted off with a glare and followed when his brother finally managed to stand and walk towards where the guy in a white coat was going.

They were lead into a small room with an examining bench at the end, a desk with 2 spare chairs and some creepy ass display cabinets with giant needles and scalpels.

"Good morning gentlemen, I'm Dr. Cires."

"Sam," the younger brother replied sitting down on yet another low, crappy chair.

"So what seems to be the problem today Sam?"

"His back," Dean answered before Sam could even get a breath in.

"And you are?"

"Dean, his brother."

"Dean I'm fi-"

"He started having really bad back pain Thursday night, it eased off with a hot water bottle and this foam mattress thing I got, walking for 15 minutes with a heat patch on his back seemed to be helping but yesterday the walk got extended to almost an hour and since then it's really started to brother him again so I thought we best go check him out, see if it can be fixed before it gets worse."

"Right, okay, on a scale of 1 to 10 how bad is the pain Sam?"

"3."

"_Sam_," Dean warned.

"What? It's a 3 right now," Sam snapped with attitude.

"Okay," the doctor seemed to believe Sam, unfortunately as he was the liar in this instance.

"3 for him really means 6," Dean pushed but with no luck.

"Can you tell me what it was like at its peak? If it had a peak? If it comes and goes or if it's constant?"

Dean gave him the 'if you don't answer truthfully I will stick one of those god damn needles so far up your ass-'

"8 I guess it was at its peak when I fell out of bed the other night."

"And did the pain start after you fell?"

"No, I fell when I tried to grab my cell from the nightstand."

"I see..." Sam hung his head when the doctor said that, now not only did he look like an ass, but he also looked really stupid.

"He fell because of the pain," Dean corrected, sure it didn't sound as stupid but still.

"Sam?" the doctor asked.

"I tried to grab my cell without moving too much cos it was hurting when I moved and then I leaned wrong and fell off the bed right on my back...that's when the pain got really bad."

"Right, okay, anything else?"

"Pain meds didn't do anything," Dean answered.

"What did you take?"

"2 Tylenol."

"That didn't take the edge off?"

"No."

"Okay, can you climb up onto the bench for me? I'm just gonna go wash my hands," with that the doctor left the room.

"You're pissed at me."

"Well done," Sam praised.

"Dude I'm trying to look out for you."

"By lying to me?"

"Tell me the truth, if I said this morning, come on Sam let's pack up so we can go see a doctor about your back, would you have politely obliged? Erm, no, I don't think so."

"Yeah...but what was that? I can answer for myself you know."

"If you don't tell me when you're in pain would you have really told that doctor? You were lying out your ass when I asked how you were this morning."

"So you dragged me here, made me look like a total douche to that guy to look out for me? Thanks Dean."

"Look Sam, your back isn't something we should mess with, this could be serious, you've had this problem your whole life and its getting worse I can tell."

"Dad never felt the need to drag me to the hospital."

"This is a clinic, and yes he did, he just knows how much you hate hospitals and you always told him it was growing pains and it wasn't that bad so he dropped it, but there was more than one occasion when he wanted to get you checked out."

"Really?" Sam sounded surprised, he felt guilty for that himself, he was glad their dad wasn't around to hear that shock in his voice.

"Really, listen I'm sorry for lying to you but can you please just be honest with the guy so he can give you something to make your old man back better already?"

"Fine, jerk."

"Bitch."

A few minutes after that the doctor returned and examined Sam when he laid on the bench on his front with Dean's help and after a few prods he handed Sam a prescription for a mild anti inflammatory and sent them on their way. Dean was less than impressed with the diagnosis.

"We're getting a second opinion."

"Dean he said it was nothing."

"Dude you couldn't move when you fell, you were crying, I know you man, and you don't cry over a little back ache."

"I wasn't crying."

"Sam you were, and last night, dude you didn't _stop_ moving cos you said that would make it worse."

"Dean relax, said it was just one of those things that hundreds of people all over the country suffer from every day and I probably aggravated it when I fell and when we walked too far."

"Sam we're getting a second opinion."

"Dean please can we wait a few days to see if these work _then_ go see someone else? I'm tired and I just wanna go to sleep, not spend my day getting poked by doctors."

Dean took a good look at his brother, he looked sore, exhausted, like he needed a good meal and a nice long nap, he didn't look like he needed to be driven across town, being x-rayed and having test ran on him until they got an answer that he wanted. Part of him felt almost horrified he wasn't happy with the diagnosis, what did he want to be told? His brother needed open back surgery or he would be paralyzed?

"Alright, we'll find another motel and hold up for a few more days, but if by Friday it's not any better then we're going to see another doctor."

"Okay." Friday was 4 days away, he could handle that.

"You need to be completely honest with me Sam, if those pills aren't working or its getting worse you need to tell me."

"I will," _I hope._

"You swear this time?"

"I swear, now can we go?"

Dean nodded once, still felt unsettled with the useless doctor but got in the car with Sam and drove away trying to find the nearest motel with good beds and maybe some magic fingers for his brother...okay, for himself too; he did feel like crap a little.

_**TBC...**_


	3. Through our Hope into Hell

_**Side kick/Beta - **__**MonkeyMuse**_

**Through our Hope into Hell**

Dean was startled awake when he heard his brother moan in his sleep. Years of living in close quarters listening to his brother sleep let him know it was not the "I'm in my happy place," moan either, no this was the, "I am in so much pain I can't rest," moan.

It was now day 2, the pills were hardly working and it took everything in Dean's power not to drag Sam to another clinic or better yet, a hospital so they could get a better verdict. But the deal was Friday, so he had another day and half to go, he didn't think Sam could make it that long, never mind him. Dean was seriously thinking of pulling the 'I'm the big brother and can beat your ass down if you do not listen to me' card. However he didn't want to stress Sam more than he already was, but when it came down to it, he had to do what was best for the kid, even if said overgrown kid didn't know what was good for him.

"Sam, wake up," he whispered shaking his brother's shoulder gently, as not to jolt his back that was slowly getting worse as the days went along, Sam even told him that himself which was quite scary.

The hot water bottle helped sometimes, and others it made Sam was to scream, by now the foam mattress felt like nothing special and the feeling when his head sunk into pillow was starting to make him feel queasy. He was constantly on his front which was making it hard to sleep because he felt like he couldn't breathe laying face first into the pillow. The few minutes he had to sit up for food or to swallow his pills took everything out of him he had managed to recharge in the few hours of sleep he had on and off. Things weren't looking up like they thought they might. But the worst part was, peeing was starting to hurt, he hadn't drank anything unless Dean forced him to but he was dying to piss...but he couldn't make his body do what he needed it to. He hadn't told Dean of the latest problem, he wasn't sure if it was out of embarrassment or out of fear...maybe both? He was also wondering how long he could hide his low grade fever, so far he had disguised them as just chills and sweats from the pain he was in, which was not much better.

"Dude come on, we're going to the hospital."

"Noo..."

"Yes, come on Sam get up."

Sam sighed; he never wanted to admit this one..."I can't."

"What?"

"I can't move, I don't want to, it hurts okay? And I'm dying for a pee and if I move it'll make everything even worse so just leave me alone."

"Dude what do you mean you're dying for a pee? Go take a piss that's gross."

"I can't."

"What do you mean you can't?"

"I mean I can't, I try but nothing happens."

"Are you kidding me? Damn it Sam! How long?"

"Since we got back from the clinic."

"And you were planning on telling me when?"

"Dean please I can't," Sam was almost at breaking point, it took all the energy he had left to keep from crying. Fighting with Dean was just something he did not have the strength for right now. Sam hated feeling like a five year old but all he wanted at this moment in time was for his brother to make it better and stop the pain, like he always did for him. Tears slowly leaked into the foam of the pillow, but neither brother acknowledged the wetness on his face.

He heard his older brother sigh, "alright, just relax, I'll go see if someone can give us some help over the phone."

"Dean?" Sam asked when he heard his brother going for the door.

"Yeah?"

"You'll come back right?"

"_Sam_...Course I will," Dean didn't know where that came from, why would he leave? Where else was he gonna go? He put it down to the pain and left the room to go ask the 50-ish year old woman at the front desk where he could get a good doctor in town for his brother. She seemed pretty nice when they first came.

After a little chatting and a few 'oh poor babies' she gave him the number of her local doctor and said he may be able to help.

When Dean spoke to the seemingly nice man, the only advice he could give over the phone was to go get Sam checked out at a hospital, there was no way around it, Sam needed to be looked at again this time by a specialist doctor.

"That's it, nice and easy," Dean coached as he held most of his brother's weight as he stood from the bed.

"Dean I can't."

"Yes you can, come on, it's not that far."

"I can't Dean, god it frigin hurts...Jesus Dean I feel like I can't breathe, like there's a vice round my whole body, I can't-"

"Alright, it's okay, just sit back down," Dean tried to guide Sam's backside back to the bed which was just a few inches under him, it didn't seem that hard, Sam only had to bend his knees, but the poor kid couldn't even do that, his body had locked up.

Dean was left to hold his brother up holding onto his under arms with all he had so he didn't let Sam fall. There was only one thing for it.

"Dean what are you doing?" Sam forced when he saw his brother bring his cell from his pocket and hold it between his ear and shoulder so he could hold Sam with 2 hands again.

"Calling 911."

"Dean no-"

"Sam it's non-negotiable, you're in pain and I can't move you, you need an ambulance."

When Dean spoke to them Sam tried everything to attempt to look like he could hold his own body weight, but he couldn't even sit down, he couldn't move, his muscles had frozen and somehow like they were telling him if he moved just a little, they would rip in half. So after receiving a warning look from his older brother he stopped trying to wriggle free and just let Dean hold him until the ambulance alarms could be heard.

"Deep breaths man, in a few minutes you'll be pumped full of the good stuff and you can lie down on a nice soft bed and drool over the hot nurses, how's that grab ya?"

Sam nodded and tried to breath smoothly but when air got to the bottom of his lungs his muscles hitched and he cried out in pain yet again, it was a vicious circle, if he breathed deep his muscles clenched, but if he didn't he felt close to suffocating which made him panic which made the pain even worse._ Is this what it feels like to die?_

Dean in the few minutes they waited for the paramedics he took his right hand from under Sam's armpit and placed it on Sam's lower back, he couldn't stop apologizing when his brother screamed and he couldn't stop the curse at himself when he felt the heat radiating from his skin. _Damn it! How did I miss that he was running a fever?_

"SShh alright, alright, I'm sorry, I'm sorry Sammy, I won't do that again I swear."

_At least Dean's here...he looks worried, that can't be good. My face is wet...am I crying? Damn it...Yep, I'm dying._

"Sorry," he whispered when he couldn't get over the look of panic Dean was trying to hide.

"It's okay Sammy. I'm here," his face was brushed with Dean's thumb and the tears were gone, until more came at least.

"Thanks." _Cos I'm kinda scared Dean, more than kinda...I don't wanna die...not in a crappy motel room, not while you're still sick._

Everything between the paramedics arriving and getting him down on the back board was just agony, he lost track of his brother between what felt like lava pouring under his skin and his bones being crushed into nothing.

As Dean watched Sam scream without making any sound when he and one of the med guys carried him on the backboard, he wondered when it got so bad. One minute Sam was sore and miserable, moaning over how he couldn't pee, the next minute he was paralyzed in pain, with what felt like a high fever starting, and now had a nice ambulance ride to boot. _Why did I let him talk me into giving this a few more days? God Sammy, I'm sorry._

"It's alright man, I'm right here," he soothed over the cries, he wasn't even sure Sam was aware of how heavy and fast his breathing was. "On his front," he told the guy as working together they finally got his baby brother on the board and out into the ambulance.

"Does that ease the pain?" the EMT asked so Dean nodded. "I'm sorry son but we can't lay him on his front in here, safety regulations."

Sam started moaning trying to turn on his side and over to his back but Dean held him steady as the medic started to set up IV's in Sam's hand. "Whoa dude, you gotta stay on your back man, ambulance rules but you're gonna be okay."

"Dean?" he asked when he couldn't see anything but the roof of the bus.

"I'm right here dude," the voice was soon followed by a face as Dean placed himself in Sam's field of vision.

_Dean, I don't like this at all, I don't feel good, I just want it to stop...I really truly feel like I'm going to die soon._

Sam got even more scared when he felt Dean's hand in his, which was a very bad sign, especially when Dean's face was so remarkably calm, something was so not right.

The medic in the back with them asked Sam a bunch of questions, his height, weight, medical history which Dean had to answer in his place. But when it came to the questions of what was the pain like, Dean couldn't help and it killed him. But Sam couldn't even describe the pain himself, it was so surreal, so painful, he didn't know how to describe it other than on a scale of 1 to 10, this had to be a 12. _Being beaten by that Dryad was less painful than this was right now, and that beating had lasted almost half an hour before Dean and Dad had saved me from it._

He felt Dean's thumb on his cheek again.

_Am I crying again?_

"You're gonna be fine Sammy," Dean said for the hundredth time squeezing his hand.

"I know." _I really don't Dean...I want dad, can you call him? Ask him if I can say goodbye, cos I don't wanna die with him mad at me, I don't wanna die mad at him...okay I don't wanna die period. _

Dean looked down at Sam's shockingly gray face and tried to give a reassuring smile before placing his free hand just above his clammy forehead moving the damp bangs off his skin, it was probably the only place Sam wasn't in pain so Sam was grateful his brother did that.

"How are you feeling?" the paramedic asked with a caring smile.

"Not so good," _if he wasn't so busy trying to convince me everything was going to be okay, my brother would kill you for that smile. Speaking of..._

"I'm right here Sammy."

"Thanks." _Dean, you don't look so good, maybe you should be lying down here instead of me. You look pale, you look really sick, but you don't look like you're dying so you should sit here, I'm dead anyway._ Sam's mind was so clouded from the pain he couldn't focus on anything. He never heard himself when he asked Dean to call their dad, begging Dean to make sure that dad knew that Sam loved him.

"We're here." Dean had never been so glad to see the ER entrance before in his life. The helplessness that he felt as Sam begged from him and their dad to fix it, to make it stop hurting had been a torture that had left him raw. The poor kid was out of his head with pain, his body was shaking from the agony and Dean couldn't do a damn thing about it but try and comfort Sam with words, which helped about as much as using a water pistol to put out a wild fire.

_Oh God...I'm going to die in a hospital._

He felt Dean's hand leave his own then was told he was just getting out of the way so he could be wheeled out. Next he heard Dean's boots on the gritted ground and bit into his bottom lip when the stretcher he was laid on started moving out of the ambulance and down to the ground. Dean was then mumbling something to someone, he sounded mad.

"Are you kidding me?"

"They just need to get him in a room and then you can sit with him."

"Why can't I follow him to the room?"

Sam heard a long sigh, one that meant Dean was really angry before he was walking his way.

"I'll see you in a few minutes Sammy, you're gonna be fine."

_What? Where are you going? Don't leave me, I don't wanna die in hospital alone._

He didn't have a chance to say the words out loud before he was moving again. It was bright and loud and all he could see was the blinding lights that flashed by as he was wheeled down the hall that smelt of bleach. He really didn't want to be here, even if he was dying and they could do something about it, but then again it wasn't like they could, they hadn't given him anything in the ambulance so maybe they thought why waste drugs if he was gonna die anyway?

_Dean? I'm scared again, where are you? Has it been a few minutes yet? _"Dean? Where's Dean?"he whined not caring who heard, if he was dying then he wanted his brother, he did not want to die alone.

"One two three."

He couldn't stop himself from screaming when he was moved from the stretcher to a hospital bed, were they trying to make his death as painful as possible or what?

_If they are, Dean I don't think these people are very nice, maybe they're possessed, I should tell Dean before I go..._

"Hey dude, how you doing?" he heard his brother ask so he opened his eyes and there Dean was, crouching down and holding his hand again.

_I don't wanna die here._ "I wanna go home."

Dean could only nod, he knew Sam wanted to go home, or back to the motel at least, but he needed to be here right now, where people could look after him like he was unable to.

"Not yet Sammy, soon, you can go home just as soon as we know what is going on with you. Anyone been in yet?"

Sam shook his head as much as he could.

"Does it still hurt bad?" _stupid question! Of course it's bad! Look at him! _

"Yeah, sorry."

"You don't have to apologize."

"Sorry."

Dean chose to ignore him that time and look around the curtain pulled around Sam's bed. "If they don't come in a few minutes I'll go see what's going on."

"Okay."

"Where does it hurt man?"

"Everywhere...it's weird." _Sorry Dean, I don't mean to freak you out even more...I'm just scared and stuff keeps slipping out._

"Worse than when you fell?"

"Yeah...but it's not the same."

"What do mean?"

"It's not back ache now...I don't know how to explain...it just hurts...everything hurts...burning..." _there's that look again, sorry Dean, I'm not helping your cold am I?_

"It'll be okay."

Sam just sank further into the pillow...he always trusted Dean, every word he said he trusted...but this time, this time he didn't, this time it hurt too much.

_Oh not now..."_Dean?"

"Yeah? You need anything?"

"I have to pee."

"Alright, I'll ask a nurse-"

"No, please Dean," _I don't wanna die using a urinal!_

"Come on then, just take it slow."

Sam was grateful he could move now at least, the pain was still bad, dying bad, but he could move as Dean carried him to the bathroom inside his room and helped him pull his jeans down to his ankles. Dean refused to leave the room and almost didn't want to let go when Sam turned on his puppy eyes.

Sam stood over the toilet, not listening to Dean when he wanted him to sit down, but as usual his stubborn ass took lead over his pain, but at least Sam was well enough to be stubborn.

Dean stood with his back to Sam waiting to hear the toilet flush, but turned around in an instant when he heard his brother gasp a sob.

"What? Sam what is it?" he rushed grabbing hold of Sam in case he needed to collapse. "Oh that's not good."

"Dean I'm scared," Sam whimpered as he looked at the blood...there was blood in his pee...back problems aren't meant to make you have blood in you pee, something was very, very wrong.

"It's gonna be fine, let's get you back in bed," Dean didn't flush the toilet, he left it there in case the doctors needed to see it or something. He pulled Sam's jeans back up leaving them undone, both knowing that Sam would be getting a nice butt showing gown soon. Without a word he held most of his weight yet again until he was laid back on the bed. He pressed the call button several times when he saw tears in Sam's eyes again.

_Oh god...I'm dying...I was just being over dramatic before...but I actually believe I am dying now._

"Dn...scckk..." he hitched before he leaned over the end of the bed and puked.

_Dean...I need you to call dad now..._

Sam curled into a ball and rocked himself, trying to lessen the pain in his back and groin. _GOD this hurts so much, just give me a knife, gun, hell a spoon so I can scoop my insides out and make the pain stop._

Lifting his head to look at his brother, everything was moving in slow motion, he saw his brothers mouth wide, screaming for help...Sam could only sob as his body finally overloaded with pain and his eyes rolled back in his head until he felt nothing more.

_**TBC...**_

**If you have any ideas on what could happen next or anything on this, tell me x **


	4. Hold on, Hold on

**Sorry guys, exams, then preparation for next year, then drama over next years classes, drama around my home, more drama, being on such a downer, then writers block/laziness, which I still have. Enjoy! **

_**Side kick/Beta-**_ _**MonkeyMuse**_

_**And special thank you to **__**DiTab1 for being such a fantastic helper in a department I'm not gonna say cos it will spoil the story lol! **_

**Hold on, Hold on**

Something woke Sam up, for a few seconds he didn't know what it was, he was in that stage between sleep and awake that he didn't want to know what it was.

"Hey, Sammy, you waking up little bro?"

_Oh, it's Dean...well, guess I've got to wake up now then, it would be rude otherwise, or I'd get a pillow to the head._

But when he opened his eyes it all came rushing back in an instant, _well crap._

"Jeezus Sam you scared the crap outa me man."

Yeah, scaring the crap outa myself too.

"Sorry."

"So, how you doing?"

"-uts," Sam didn't want to move, but he had to, he twisted his back slightly to the right, just a little closer to Dean, and was glad the hand in his squeezed tight in comfort when he did so before waiting until the sharp stabbing simmered down.

"Yeah, I know."

"How long?"

"You've been out for about half an hour, doc said it might be a good thing but I wasn't so sure, now I guess looking at the state of you he was right."

"Do they know what's wrong with me yet?" Sam looked so young when he asked that, he looked so scared and uncertain, it made Dean want to lie and tell him yes, they did know, and he was fine.

"No, not yet, but they will, they said they need to take you down for some tests and stuff."

"Will you-" _come down with me. _

"Sorry man, I wish I could, but, stupid rules."

_Since when was Dean one to follow rules?_

He took the next few minutes of silence to note he was now wearing a stiff hospital gown and his ass was definitely exposed, he just thanked the lord he still had his boxers on.

"Your shirt got messed up, one of the nurses took it to wash I think."

Dean would have added that he was thinking about going down to the gift shop to buy a set of PJ's for Sam, but he decided against it as a change of night clothes meant Sam was staying part of his wasn't ready to accept that just yet.

When two nurses came in the room Sam frowned, looking to his brother for an explanation as he seemed to know what they were there form the look on his face.

"They're gonna take you now, but don't worry cos I'll be right here waiting till you get back, who knows, they'll probably tell me you're having a girl." Dean was joking, but the smile on his face told Sam he was worried, he was really worried.

The older of the two nurses looked at the older brother, and knew it was killing him to leave the younger. "Sir, would you like to stay with him till time for the MRI? You can be there up till we get ready for the scan, but then you have to leave the area."

Dean had never wanted to hug a nurse more in his life. "Yeah, yeah. That'd be great, thanks. Hear that bitch, I can keep you in line till they have to deal with you without me. Always knew you were trouble."

"Jerk," Sam snorted back before hissing, laughing wasn't an option then.

"Sam, the doctors ordered some tests on your kidneys first because of the blood in your urine earlier, is that okay?"

Sam gave a shaky nod, wasn't like he could do anything else.

"It's quite a straight forward scan so don't worry."

"What is it?" Dean asked in his place.

"We're going to put some dye into Sam's IV then that will travel around your body and highlight the areas we're going to scan so it makes any blockages show up clearer. The scan itself is just a MRI machine, you go in through the hole and then we take pictures of your organs, in this case your kidneys and surrounding areas. The machine is very loud, and can be a tight fit on someone with shoulders as wide as yours, but you will be fine Sam."

_Okay, sounds simple enough, shouldn't be too freaky._

"You okay with that Sammy?" Dean asked patting his shoulder so he nodded, no need to stress Dean anymore today.

_Oh crap...oh no not in front of them._

"Whoa Sammy," Dean grabbed the kidney dish from the side and held it under his brothers chin when he saw the green tone to his brothers face for the second time that day. After just one small hurl Sam seemed to have finished, for now at least. The only trouble was, the pain seemed to go up another 5 notches when he'd thrown up, the stress it put on his body was just out of this world, he'd never experienced pain like it in his life, it was just so consuming and call him crazy, but the pain seemed to get angry when he puked.

"Alright, take it slow man, it's okay."

He flinched when he thought Dean was going to start rubbing his back like he usually did when he puked, when he was a kid, but this time...it would just make everything worse and he knew it. Thankfully so did Dean it seemed because his brother's hand wasn't circling his back, it was cupping the back of his head.

"God..." _there's something in my back, it feels like a steel hot blade...holy crap get it out! Please! _"D-Dean please...take the knife out...please take it out..."

_What the hell is he talking about?_

"Dean..." his brother cried.

"Sammy, Sammy listen to me, there's no knife, it's just your head telling you there is, it's just the pain, but it's okay, it'll get better."

"No, no it won't, not until you take it out!"

_Crap man there's no knife!_

"Alright, alright, I'll take it out," Dean's hand brushed the top of his back before he said, "there, it's out, I've taken it out, no more knife better now?"

"T-thanks...Dean I'm sorry."

"Hey, you don't have anything to be sorry for, just close your eyes and it'll be over before you know it."

Sam closed his eyes, trusting his brother was right, he wouldn't let anyone hurt him anymore, he never let anyone hurt him, things would be better now because Dean had taken the knife away and he was going to kill the monsters who were hurting him while he was asleep.

Before he knew it he was being wheeled off, more bright lights, something about the dye being ready, then a burning sting shot through his hand and up his arm before it circled his heart and made it want to explode.

He gasped and once again everything went dark.

Then he was moving, he was floating...but he wasn't floating he was just being lifted...then he was going down again. _Wait? Up...then down...I was going to heaven...but then they realized they made a mistake and now I'm going down...I'm going to hell...I'm in hell...oh god it hurts...it hurts Dean! _

Snapping his eyes open all he saw was walls around him. Then he felt the movement again not up and down but a shaking with a ton of noise. "No! NO! DEAN!" he felt the cool sides press in on him. _I'm in a casket, OH GOD they are burying me alive. _"Dean please don't! Dean, I STILL HERE!HELP DEAN! I'm sorry please don't make me go! PLEASE! DEAN!"

There were so many bleeps then, and the casket stilled, and he felt the claws of demon's in his back again. They had come to drag him to hell and leave Dean with an empty casket. He didn't want to go to Hell he did not want to be dragged they by demon. He couldn't stand it, he wanted out!

"DEAN!"

"Sam? Sammy?" he heard his brother yell...Dean was here, Dean had climbed into hell to save him...Dean was going to save him right? Dean would get him out of the casketQ He would kill the demons clawing at him trying to drag him to hell. Dean would get him out.

"Sir! Sir you can't go in there! Sir!"

"The hell I can't! Move the hell outa way!" the voice was getting louder, clearer, so Sam stopped struggling but as soon as he did he was moving forward again. All he saw in front of him was a furnace, hot, burning, bright yet dark at the same time. _Oh God, I was wrong, it's not a casket._ He was inside a cremation chamber...this was to show him the burning pain Jess and his mother felt wasn't it? It was to make him burn just like they did, live everyone he loved.

"DEAN! Don't let them burn me! Dean I"M SORRY PLEASE NOT FIRE!"

"Sam, Sammy it's okay man, sshh, it's okay, just take my hand, it's alright, everything's gonna be alright."

He felt both of Dean's hands in his own so he squeezed on and tried to pull away from the fire...but Dean wasn't letting him. His brother was finally making him pay wasn't he? He had finally seen the evil in him that got their loved ones killed.

"Sam, Sam listen to me, look at me, calm down and look at ME, Sam."

The machine was moving back and then down again so Sam tried to leaped his whole body onto his brother scared of what would happen if not, he didn't want to go to hell. The fire, casket, no, he just wanted his brother.

"Sammy, you're not in hell, you're not you goof and it is not a casket. There is no fire just the lights man."

_Did I say that out loud?_

"Look at me, really look, does this look like hell to you?" Sam looked around, no...it looked like a hospital, but then again hospital, hell, same difference. "You're just sick okay, and this thing is gonna find out why, look."

Sam blinked, he took one eye off his brother and turned his free one to the machine Dean was motioning to, it was just big...fat...tube...just a machine with a hole in the centre with a table a little lower than the hole. Where did the furnace go?

"You see?" Dean asked holding a hand to his cheek.

Sam nodded, he could see now, but what the hell was that? What just happened to him?

"Sammy you're burning up man," his brother gasped with a hand to his forehead.

_Guess I'll just put my moment of insanity down to the fever._

The tech walked into the room white as a ghost, looking at Dean."Sir, you can stay in here to calm your brother down but you need to take off all the metal you have on. You are lucky we got the machine turned off before you ran in here or all that metal you are wearing could have damaged the machine and hurt your brother."

Dean nodded, he ruffle his brothers hair once more to settle him before taking off his necklace, his ring, his watch, jacket, belt, several paperclips from his pockets and ah hell, the boots too, they had silver rings where you put the laces through, who knows if they counted, better safe than sorry for Sam's sake.

He handed them all to the nurse who put them in some huge plastic bag before handing them to some guy waiting at the door, the same guy that had attempted to restrain him moments ago, if he was security, this hospital definitely needed to improve cos that guy was easier to take down than a bobo doll.

"You can take a seat by his feet at that side, he might not be able to hear you though, the machine can get pretty loud."

Dean nodded, "now you, need to lie down and do what these guys tell you to okay?"

Sam whined deep his throat, he didn't want to, he wanted to just stay here with Dean where no one could hurt him.

"No arguments dude, lie down, I'll be right by your feet, everything's gonna be fine, just breathe man."

Sam did as he was told, he let go of his brother's shirt and let himself be aided into lying down on the board before it once again started moving.

He felt the panic and pain rise once again when his mind became confused yet again, Dean wasn't there...the fire wasn't there...where the hell was he? He could not block out the fear of the grave as he watched the cold metal shallow him whole. Where the HELL was Dean?

"Hey man, just relax," he heard his brother say and then a hand was placed on his foot, it squeezed his toes and then he knew it was Dean, he was still there.

"N-not hell?" he asked, he had to, otherwise how else would he know anything?

"No, you're in a hospital, it might seem like it but I bet its nowhere near hell, just hold on little brother."

And Sam did, for Dean, he held on. Even as his shoulders rubbed the sides of the machine and the noise started, sounding like the machine was going to fall apart on top of him. _God I hate this thing, can they not do it faster? _

"Hold on little brother...hold on."

**TBC...**


	5. In Sleep

_**I am so sorry for the wait!**_

_**I had mad rush to finish college, then I did and I was like hell yes! Lots of time to write as much as I like! But it seemed my muse thought it was a good time to just packed her bags and leave without a word, I was less than impressed. Then the other day after weeks of staring at a blank word page wanting to cry, I just thought okay shut up, stop whining, and write something, anything is better than nothing at this point, and I actually managed to write! But it wasn't finished, bits missing here and there, not beta'd blah blah, then my very dear friend send me this book called Nightlife, and its amazing, I love it! It's like Sam and Dean but opposite, like if Dean was the little brother. And I haven't managed to put that down in 2 days, almost finished the first book but I woke up this morning and forced myself to not read but finish this off. Now I feel like a weight has been lifted.**_

_**Here is the first part. I'll do my best to get the next part up as soon as I can. Enjoy! Again, so sorry. **_

_**Side kick/Beta-**_ _**MonkeyMuse**_

**In Sleep**

About 5 minutes into the scan, Sam thought it was a good idea to fall back to sleep, it was noisy as hell, and Sam fell asleep. Then again when it wasn't nightmare season, Sam was always the better sleeper out of the two of them. Especially when he was sick, most kids when ill, like Dean himself had days of all nighters hunched over a bucket or toilet with a mother or father stopping up with them, rubbing their back, telling them it would get better. Dean had John telling him that when he was home, and Sam doing the honours when he wasn't.

But not Sammy, Sammy sneezed and would be out like a light for a week until the sickness past. Dean was glad for that though sleeping through the worst always resulted in less suffering, so for his brothers' sake, he was so glad Sam was a sleeper when he was sick.

When the scan was over, Dean helped his groggy brother from the board to his bed and stayed by his side as he was wheeled back to his room, he of course fell back to sleep half way there too. Dean put his things back on when the nurses put the brakes on Sam's bed. He thought it was funny all the strange looks he got when he walked through the hallways with his brother shoeless, he got a few winks in to the pretty nurses, and some old dears too, he needed to keep on their good side if Sam was in here for a few days.

Not long after he got settled back into his chair the doctor came in with a clip board and a relaxed expression, relaxed meant good right? Dean woke Sam up chanting that to himself. "Sammy, time to wake up bro."

Sam's face crumpled painfully as his shoulder was gently judged, he opened his eyes and waited for the blur to clear before his brother helped him sit up.

"I've got Sam's results from the scan."

"And?" Dean tapped his big toe around in his boot trying not to show how utterly worried he was.

"And I hear there was quite a commotion in the x-ray department."

_Okay, not what I really wanted to hear, just tell us for crying out loud._

"What's wrong with me?"

_God Sammy I hate it when you talk like that, like a kicked puppy, man this could have been sorted out days ago before the worst if I had listened to my god damn gut instead of that waste of space doc at the clinic._

"In a word, kidney stones."

"But...but it was just back ache..." Sam whispered to himself, he definitely felt like a kicked puppy now.

"Kidney stones? You've gotta be kidding me? I've heard people pass those without even knowing."

"Some do, some like your brother experience excruciating pain, some say it's the closest thing men will ever get to childbirth."

"You're kidding me? Okay we want a third opinion, first one was jacked, now this, what's with the hospital care in this town?"

Sam brought a heavy hand up to his brothers' arm to get his attention, he didn't feel like raising his voice today.

"Dean, he's right...I've heard it's the worst pain in the world...it gets worse as it passes...it's gonna get worse."

Dean thought back to the long and hard minutes in the ambulance, when Sam passed out, when Sam freaked out. "Worse? I don't think there is a worse Sammy."

The doctor cleared his throat, "It will get worse, the stones are quite large and it seems on the scan, they've started to pass, but they've gotten stuck."

"So, what does that mean? Surgery to get 'em out or something," Dean unconsciously found himself finding his brothers and squeezing it, trying to tell his brother he would be fine, this is one of those times he wished Sam was asleep, or correction, one of those times he wished he hadn't woke him up.

"No, not quite, we'll insert a stent up the urethra-"

Sam's heart just about stopped then, they were gonna shove a metal rod up his Oh I don't think so? This was the worst, most embarrassing illness he could have gotten; only he could have had backache that lead to an old guy poking his dick.

He forced himself to nod along, when in fact he couldn't hear a damn thing past the ringing in his ears and the pain consuming him yet again, the knife was back in his back and some jackass thought it was fun to twist it turning his kidney to a shredded mess. _Okay so vomiting made it angry, panic just makes it want to have a little fun and screw with my insides just that bit more...dually noted._

"So the stones are back inside the kidney, then we'll perform what's called a Lithotripsy where we send shock waves through your kidneys to break the stones up and make it easier on your system to pass. You'll be put into what we call the twilight zone for the procedure so you won't feel much, and if you do you won't remember it."

_Oh well that's nice, why can't you put me in twilight zone now? Cos I sure as hell don't want to remember anymore of this hell._

"Now I must warn you, you haven't passed the worst yet, but now we know what the problem is, we can keep it at bay with pain medications until the stones are gone."

So does he get some now or is watching my little brother whimper around in pain fun for you guys?

"I've booked you in for 1 in the afternoon tomorrow, usually we like to do it as soon as possible but as it's so late we'll hold off for tomorrow."

"So after this shock wave thing, how long before they pass, how long before I can take him home?"

"It's hard to say, but baring no further complications, the stones have passed and without infections Sam might have caught while he's had the stones, I would say tomorrow evening or early the next morning."

Dean nodded, that wasn't too bad, if the doc thought tomorrow evening was a good time, then everything seemed not so bad, wasn't like he had to stay for a week of observation just in case.

"Hear that Sammy, you keep this up and we'll outa here by tomorrow," Dean smirked as he ruffled his brothers hair.

Sam's head nodded under the hand of comfort attempting a smile, it didn't really work, felt like more of a wince but he tried putting on a brave face for his brother anyway, it was the thought that counted right? Besides, wincing is pretty damn good when you've got a white hot poker swirling around in your gut.

"Okay I think it's time we got some meds in you then, I'll let the nurse know how much I want you to take but don't hesitate to ask for a higher dose if the first one isn't strong enough."

Sam nodded, glad someone was offering release, it now seemed there was a light somewhere in this painful tunnel.

"I'll see you gentlemen tomorrow."

"Thanks doc."

"Yea-h...thank you."

_That's my Sammy, in somewhat agonizing pain as I gather, but still polite as they come, hell, more polite than they come. _

"Dean?" Sam strained, so Dean looked down at him and when the doctor left, then perched himself on the end of his brothers bed before patting his hand, not long later he felt nails digging into the top of his hand as he held Sam's, he didn't say anything though, maybe Sam wasn't even aware he was digging his nails in, but his hand was a damn sight better than Sam digging his nails into his own.

_Somewhat agonizing was the sugar coated version though as I understood. Not by the doctors explanations, nor Sam's explanations for that matter, all I need to do is look at my little brothers face. Unusually thin taught lips, tense jaw that a crow bar couldn't release, small slits of eyes where he was squinting like glaring at the wall in front of him would stem the pain, dad always said focus on something though when we sat through stitches and so on._

"It's gonna be alright Sammy, you'll see."

Not a few minutes later when Dean finally calmed Sam down enough into a restless doze, a kind of creepy looking nurse came in. Pointed glasses, even pointier nose, and her hands on her hips, this one was trouble.

"Visiting hours are over."

"Okay, if I see a visitor, I shall let them know."

She scowled, maybe that look worked in the past for her, one mean stare and the visitors were out the door before they could say kidney stone, but not Dean, he matched her scowl and waited to see what her next attempt would be.

"Sir, my _patient_ needs rest, visiting hours are over."

"Ma'am, my _brother_ is resting, he won't do that if I'm not here, trust me." Dean felt like it was a war, arguing who had rightful claim of his brother.

"Sir you need to leave before I call security."

Even with his eyes somewhat closed, Sam's hand tightened around the one in his, nurse Cruella De Vil was acting like she hadn't seen it. the slight ache on her face told Dean she had. "Sh Sammy, go back to sleep, it's okay, I'm not going anywhere," wasn't like you could call it sleep, but Dean certainly knew he wasn't going anywhere, not without his brother.

Now the nurse looked torn, in fact, she almost looked sorry for them.

"Look, as long as he's in that bed, you're stuck with me as well as him, my brother needs to get better and he won't do that unless I'm here, I guarantee you he won't even take pills unless I'm here to make him. More to the point, I can't leave him, he's my responsibility, and I'm sorry but I don't know you guys, so I'm certainly not trusting you to look after my brother while I sit at home with a beer. I won't be a pain in the ass, I won't disturb anyone and I won't cause trouble, I just want to make sure my brother gets better."

She stared for just a few minutes, sizing up Dean's speech, it didn't take long for her to cave, her icy posture cracked and she let out a long sigh before leaving, something about Sam's drugs had arrived on the ward.

Just half an hour later, Sam was wide awake and as high as a kite, or as high as the big fat twinkly stars as Sammy put it. the first dose didn't do much, just kept Sam awake like a good bit of caffeine. The second was a little better, Sam said it got the burning down to a slight ache, which of course meant it wasn't much better in normal people terms. So three doses later, Sam was now floating happily, he had giggled a few times, and was at the stage where he felt the need to have the same conversation over and over again, having either forgotten Dean's replies, or just simple wanting to clarify them.

"Dean are you holding my hand?"

"Yup," Dean answered for the fourth time, corrections, millionth time.

"Is it cos I'm dying?"

"For the hundredth time Sam, you're not dying."

"But then...why are you holding my hand?"

"Cos, watch," Dean took his hand from Sam's and placed it back on the bed by his little brothers side.

As if effective immediately, just like all the other times, Sam's heart rate went up, his eyes grew wet and his lip trembled before he latched out a hand and grabbed Dean's jacket like he would go somewhere if he didn't.

"See," Dean wasn't being sarcastic or smart, he was just showing Sam that he needed him, and truth be told, he needed Sam right now so he took the hand knotted around his collar and held it again with no comment on how gay it was, which in usual cases if Sam was lucid or not in so much pain, he would do.

"Oh," Sam said, like he just realized it before his nose curled up in a little embarrassment, but he wouldn't let go of Dean's hand, not by a long shot.

"Dean did you get em?"

_Okay new subject, getting bored of holding hands Sammy?_

"Get who?" Dean asked kindly, humouring a drugged up brother was so much better than comforting one in too much pain.

"The scary clowns, did you get em?"

"Yeah Sam, I got em."

"You killed em?"

"Yeah, then I salted and burned their bones so they can't come back as spirits and get you."

"Are you sure? They won't get me?"

"They won't get you," Dean affirmed.

"Cos you're here?"

"Cos I'm here," he nodded, this time with a promise, and he never broke a promise to Sam, at least not the good ones anyway.

"Hey Dean?"

"Yes Sam?"

"Do you think dad will come? If _you_ ask him?"

"Why don't _you_ ask him?" Dean frowned, Sam said the 'you' very purposefully then.

"Cos he likes you the best, I think if you called him he'll come."

_Does he want dad instead of me by his side right now? _

"Hey I thought we were cool? We can handle this right? Just the two of us."

"Really?"

"You bet, I might not be dad but as long as I'm here nothings gonna happen to you, got it? Anyway, I'm always the one to look after your scrawny butt when you're sick."

"But you can't kill death Dean, not even you can do that."

"Okay, 1, and you better pay attention this time cos I'm not saying it again, you are not dying. And 2, even if you were, and I had to kill death, I'd find a way. I promise Sammy, you're gonna be fine."

_At least he seems to have forgotten or blanked out the stent thing for now, good god I'm afraid to even think how that conversation would go with high Sammy._

"Okay...Hey Dean?"

"Yeah Sam?"

"I think if dad were here and you weren't...I'd be sad, I mean I want dad here as well as you but if I can only have 1, I choose you."

"Well, thanks Sammy."

"My feet are cold," Dean felt Sam's forehead again, he was still a little warm, then he pulled up the blankets by Sam's feet and did note they were in fact freezing.

"You want my socks?"

"Ew no," he squeaked, even drunk on druggs Sam was smart.

"Alright your highness, I'll get you some socks from the store tomorrow."

"Kay, thanks Dean."

Dean folded the blankets back down and tucked the edges under the balls of Sam's feet, then took his jacket off and laid it over the blankets by Sam's toes, tucking the edges in also.

"Thanks Dean," Sam said yet again with a dopey smile.

"You're welcome."

That deep heart to heart sock conversation seemed to have worn his little brother out, not that he was complaining either way. Sam's eyes closed and his hand slackened around Dean's.

Dean leaned back in his chair, preparing himself for a long night, they were both snoring away not long after.

Not that she would tell anyone, but when she watched the brothers drop off together, Nurse Kehlen brought in a blanket with her and draped it carefully over the older brother sleeping crookedly in the chair, one of these days she was going to have to ask the board for better seating, or rather sleeping furniture for the 'visitors.'

**SPN**

The next morning Dean noted he wasn't as cold as he expected, he smiled when he saw the blue blanket over his chest, he knew that old dear was sweet somewhere under all her scowling. When she walked in to check Sam's monitors one last time before clocking off for the day staff, Dean aimed a charming smile her way as a thank you, without saying a word, she left with a slight redness to her cheeks.

_**TBC...**_

_**This is not beta'd thoroughly, it has been back and forth a few times but I finished it on my own so I hope its not too messy, MonkeyMuse is overloaded with work right now so I didn't want to disturb her. So don't yell if there's lots of blips, kay?**_


	6. AN! Sorry!

**PLEASE READ!:**

**First I would like to say a huge sorry for this not being a chapter.**

Right, he next chapter is written, beta-ed and backed up to my memory stick, so don't worry about that...but i feel its my duty as your writer to let you guys know that may be the last chapter for a while.

My laptop is dying, a slow and painful death, my screen has been faulty for a while, the screen swings back a bit more than in should, just the bolt things on it a lil loose or something, but today when I opened it up, sorry, him up, I heard a crack, little did i know, the wonky bolt has now come off completely, my screen is just hanging on by the left side. Then my mum went on him and just as I closed him up to take him back upstairs, i heard another crack, a really loud one...my screen has now split all around the right side and a whole mess of crap is spilling from the crack...I know, oh shit was my first thought too. I'm sort of terrified as a type this, its going to blow up.

So, i need to ring the store tomorrow and ask if this is covered by my insurance warranty thing, mum says she doubts it so i may have to fork out god knows how much to buy a new comp.

I'm starting to panic because I can't live a** single day** without my laptop, (at least i have my new books...) we have a family computer where I'm going to be posting the next chapter from but I can't write there, the keyboard is just weird because I'm so used to a laptop on my tummy, i never press the right keys. So sorry, chapter 6 might be the last one for a while cos I hate the damn computer so bad, its beyond slow, in fact, its slows cousin, 'so slow it doesn't ever go anywhere!'

The computer wizards last time took 2 weeks to return my baby and all for them to tell me there is nothing wrong with him...part of me wants it to be broken beyond repair, no offense Dellboy (thats his name) cos i have been dying for a new laptop for a while now, but i did have a plan to hang on while xmas but i guess that might not happen...again, so sorry. i hope you understand! Please just if you can send me a note saying you're not mad...i hope not...now in going to turn off this thing before it sets on fire or something! bye ya'll!


	7. Comes with a price

**Right, I will officially be purchasing a new laptop this Saturday, all being well Dellboy/girl junior will be all set up in his/hers new home and I shall be writing Saturday evening/Sunday morning with glee. Once I've figured out windows 7 that is.**

**Only I'm a little torn on which color to pick, mint green (although they didn't have this in the shop,) ice blue, or red. I like the mint green cos its different I guess, and probably cos they don't have it, I'm so picky! **

_**Wonderful helper-er (that should so be a word!) - **__**DiTab1**_

_**Side kick/Beta-**_ _**MonkeyMuse**_

**Comes with a price**

The day until 1 in the afternoon was a long wait, Sam had almost maxed out on pain meds and he wasn't happy he wasn't as high as he was last night. Being high was fun, being numb yet sore at the same time wasn't. Not to mention he was so exhausted from everything that had happened over the last week...he was thoroughly miserable, so sore, so tired he couldn't even sleep.

The doctor came in and explained the procedure in a bit too much detail if you asked Dean but he supposed detailed was a good thing.

Once they took Sam away, Dean expected Sam to be scared, like the time he had that operation to put his leg bone back in place, he guessed Sam was too tired, too miserable to be clingy today. Dean kept himself busy while he waited for the hour or so thing to be over, he read the year old mags from the waiting room, he drank crap coffee from the machine at the end of the hall, he even worked up the dignity to fake a loss when the old guy next to Sam's room asked for a game of poker.

When Sam came back from his 'minor treatment' as the doc liked to call it, he was in such a deep sleep, it was kinda strange, Sam was a shifty sleeper, never still. He was a good sleeper, but never a still one, most mornings while Dean was brushing his teeth, Sam was picking up his pile of kicked off covers from the floor and making the bed like an OCD fanatic. So for Sam to be this settled, it was worrying to say the least.

The nurses that brought Sam back smiled at Dean when he breathed a sigh of relief, gave his little brother a quick once over, tucking him in a little tighter and moving his IV looser so it wouldn't be such a bother to Sam before they left.

The first thing that caught Dean's attention when he sat back on the horrid hospital chair, the nurse whilst straightening Sam's covers, had parted his hair down the middle, Sam didn't like his bangs tucked behind his ears, it bugged him. Sam never said it out loud, hair wasn't something they spoke about unless it was jokes of buzz cuts and Mohawks, but Dean knew every trait, every scar, every like and dislike his baby brother had, so he knew Sam hated his bangs the way the nurse had arranged them. Dean let a small grumble under his breath then leaned over and straightened Sammy's bangs the way he liked them, in his eyes and annoying as hell for Dean but who cares, what Sammy wanted when he was sick, Sammy got, hair preferences totally counted.

A few minutes later Sam's doctor came in, told him everything went fine and Sam was just asleep because of the anaesthetic, apparently the regional hadn't worked that well with Sam so they resorted to the full on sleeping drugs half way through the procedure.

Seeing the look on his patient's brothers' face when he said that, he had to once again assure him his brother was fine, well, mostly anyway, as fine as he could be giving the circumstances.

Dean was then told yet again, hopefully by tomorrow Sam will have passed the stones and would be able to go home if there were no signs of infection.

When he was almost sure Sam wasn't about to wake up any time soon, Dean left a message with the nurses to look after his brother while he was gone and to tell Sam he would be back soon if he woke up.

He jogged down to the small cafe to treat himself a real cup of coffee for the first time in 3 days and a BLT sandwich to keep him going. He sat down on one of the spinning chairs close to some nurses he recognised from Sam's ward, smiled then drank his beverage so fast he burned away at least 3 layers of skin from his tongue then gobbled the sandwich down like someone was ready to snatch it from him before he dropped his trash in the bin then set off for a gift shop knowing grumpy Sam, doped up Sam or hurting Sam would appreciate some sentimentally.

He knew he had a little more time than he would have thanks to his scolded tongue so he took a few extra minutes choosing the right gift for his brother, it didn't have to be much but thought really mattered to Sam. He smirked when he caught sight of the stuffed meerkat, remembering they used to be Sam's favourite animal growing up, and still were if the other night was anything to go on when he put the meerkat documentary on as a distraction. Even in crazy amounts of pain, Sam still enjoyed that lame TV show.

"You're kinda cute I suppose," he mumbled to a random one picking it up.

He then grabbed a packet of the best looking boxers and socks, not that there was a lot to choose from, the socks being for Sam's cold feet, and the boxers being for his dignity. When he saw the pink fluffy socks though, he put the black ones back, sure the pink bed socks were more money for one pair than it was for a packet of 4 of the black ones, but the comic addition the pink and not to mention flowery ones was priceless, at least when Sam woke up and find himself in bright fluffy socks that was.

He paid for them quickly then ran up the flights of steps knowing he was quicker than the lift on foot, he was a little breathless when he got back to the room but just as he suspected, Sam was still sleeping peacefully. He set the stuffed meerkat under Sam's left arm and smiled just a little when his brother instinctively tightened his arm around the animal, yep, Sammy always appreciated the art of being sentimental. Next he pulled up the bottom of Sam's covers and tugged the fluffy socks on his brothers giant feet before tucking the sheets back down and once again waiting for Sam to wake up. But he was not helping Sam put his boxers on, no way.

Later, around 1 in the morning, Sam chose that perfect moment to wake up groaning, shocking Dean from his doze too. He used his thumb and forefinger to rub the little sleep from his eyes, then clearing his throat before he spoke. "Hey dude, how you feeling?"

"Like someone kicked their steel toe boots into my kidney."

Dean got a flash of worry, and even in the darkness, Sam caught it and knew he needed to correct himself.

"It's better than before though, not too bad." Sam then noticed something different about his brother, "are you still sick?"

"Na, I told you, Dean Winchester doesn't get sick."

"Then why is Dean Winchester wearing his coat inside?"

"Cos in case you haven't noticed fever boy, it's freezing in here, I think they turned the heating off around 12." Dean then pressed the back of his hand to his brothers' forehead to see if Sam was warm.

"M'fine," he whined shaking his brother's hand off, he was tired again, just wanted sleep, he just wanted a crappy motel bed, no stinking IV's and some sleep, was that too much to ask for? At least his toes weren't freezing anymore.

"Get some sleep, I'll be here."

"You should too Dean, you look like crap."

"Have you looked in the mirror lately, princess?"

"Ha ha," Sam replied before he looked down when he felt something on his arm furthest away from Dean.

"His names Dork, I would have gone with Sammy but it's already taken, so I picked the next lame one on the list."

"Jerk," Sam snorted looking at the stuffed toy, he was kinda cute, Dean would pretend like this was a joke, he chose this stuffed animal to call him a dork, but in reality, Dean had put thought into his gift. "Thanks."

"No problem bitch, now get some shuteye, Dork here looks more human than you and he's got a tail for god sakes," he smirked "...Sammy? Sam?" he asked when he got no sarcastic reply, he smiled when he heard his brothers breathing even out, and the faint rustling's of Sam's legs under the sheets, _that's my boy._

He tucked the chair just a little closer to the bed, laid his arms next to Sam's and set his head down on top of them, closing his eyes, feeling some of the pressure of a sick Sammy ease off.

As he faked sleeping, just so Dean would get some, Sam felt his brother's soft spiky hair brush and tickle his arm before he succumbed to the slumber himself, just like his snotty snoring big brother, he didn't even care that Dean's hairs were making his arm itch. Nor did he care Dork's tail was also pulling his IV line. He was too tired to get comfy.

**SPN**

"DEAN!"

Protective instincts snapping to use, Dean bolted awake, up out of his chair and towards his screaming brothers voice before his mind could register he had woken up. When he did, he found himself in the small bathroom in Sam's hospital room staring where Sam was, right down the toilet, he swore he'd stared down more of these things in the last day than he had his whole life. What he saw, set off all big brother alarms he had, and some new ones he didn't know he possessed.

_That whole no complications thing, too good to be true, I knew it! Nothing comes that easy without a cost right? Why can't Sammy ever catch a break?_

"Help! I need some help in here!" he yelled out the door before rushing back to catch his brother, "Sam you should sit down, come on." He was on auto pilot now, the sight he had just seen would do that to you though. He got Sam back to the bed and comforted his brother who was unable to keep the tears at bay.

"Where does it hurt man?"he asked trying to block out the horrific image in the bathroom.

"D-doesn't...just sore...oh God...what's wrong with me?" he cried grabbing the front of Dean's jacket with a tight fist as shivers ran through him.

Dean put the numbness Sam was experiencing down to shock, there was just too much...too much red for him to merely be sore right now.

_Sammy, you are definitely suffering from blood loss. Oh god, that's just pure 100% red, blood red, Sammy's blood, this is wrong, this is so very wrong._

A nurse came in and asked what was wrong, Dean nodded to the bathroom then went back to focussing his attention into comforting his sick, panicking brother.

"I'll be right back," she said as she ran back out of the room, running wasn't good, running meant Sam needed help fast, it meant something was seriously not right with his brother.

"It's alright Sammy, it's gonna be fine, you'll see, I'm right here man, just relax," he rubbed Sam's back when all Sam could do was leaned his head on to his big brothers shoulder, he was so scared right now, they shouldn't have come here, everything got so much worse when they involved health services, it made everything so much more real, he should have sucked it up and stayed in the motel.

_Dean wouldn't let some back ache keep him down, Dean would control the pain and keep on hunts and wouldn't run off to school and wouldn't abandon the family then come crawling back when he needed help, then secretly plan to leave again when he got his justice...no, Dean would be a man and suck it all up._

"Sammy? Sammy stay with me, stay awake, Sam!"

**SPN**

Dean could see his brother start to lose it, his breathing was coming out is small pants and his heart was beating though his rib cage. Sam's eyes rolled around frantically before going completely white.

"Sammy? Sammy stay with me, stay awake, Sam!" Dean caught his brother as his body sagged and laid him back on the bed before he turned and growled at the doctor who had just arrived.

He checked Sam over, came to the conclusion he had just passed out from the shock like some patients in these circumstances do, then turned to the red faced older brother to explain.

"I'm sorry, we should have warned Sam about the amount of blood that would be in his urine, it's perfectly normal I can assure you."

"Normal? Normal? He's pissing blood! Not blood in his urine, red thick straight out of the vein blood!"

"It's just a result of the abuse we put on his kidneys, I'm very sorry for not warning you two. But he should have followed orders to stay in bed and should be using the urinal, he also should have called for a nurse when he needed the bathroom."

Dean remembered the doctor telling them that, ring the call button when he felt it was time to have a piss after his procedure, looks like Sam didn't, not that he blamed the kid, he was pissed Sam had hurt himself not listening to doctors orders but with an order like let the nurse help you take a piss, he couldn't be too mad. He had been feeling the embarrassment radiating off his brother ever since the mention of a stent in his junk. He was damn proud of his brother for toughing it out this long, if this was him, he would have bolted the second someone said the words 'up the urethra.' I mean there are lines that God never meant to be crossed, and that had to be one of them. I mean who the hell came up with this idea anyway? A demon most likely, one like Meg, was Dean's best guess.

"So he's...he's gonna be fine?"

"Yes, I know it can look quite sever but it is just a result of the shock waves. We'll do a scan later to see if the stones have passed, if so then we can send him home. Usually we would check the urine but seeing as Sam didn't go where patients are supposed to, we can't, hopefully a scan will show us what we need to see but...sometimes it doesn't. We needed to see if any of the stones passed as well. If they did then he can go home to pass the rest, and he can remove the stent himself or come back and have it removed."

Dean nodded in understanding, then turned back to his sleeping brother, he was gonna kick Sam's ass when he was better, rebelling against health professionals was his gig.

_**TBC...**_

**Let's all say a farewell to Dellboy...he has been with me, loyal and lovable since my first days of posting to fanfic, and I owe him so much for bringing me to a butt load of amazing people, some of whom I consider my aunts and sisters! Without him I wouldn't have been able to meet so many wonderful people in this world! He will always be my baby...I will miss him! I LOVE YOU DELLBOY! Xoxox **


	8. Just a little longer

**Happy comic-con, season 6 and gag real preview day! Let's hope someone in ****San Diego has taped some of the good stuff :D** **oh and sorry about the stupid title but it was the only thing I could think of, its so hard to think of ones for this story, I don't know why. **

_**Wonderful helper-er (that should so be a word!) - **__**DiTab1**_

_**Side kick/Beta-**_ _**MonkeyMuse**_

**Just a little longer**

Just when Dean was starting to worry his brother wasn't going to wake up, he did just that. As ordered, he rung the call button then took a seat at the edge of Sam's bed.

"Hey man," _well that was smooth._

"H-hey," Sam replied before clearing his throat and sitting up. "I like my socks," Sam smirked tiredly.

Dean looked at him, Sam frowned when he could have sworn that was a look of questioned insanity on his big brothers face.

"You just pissed blood, passed out from exhaustion and shock, gave me my hundredth heart attack this week, and the first thing that comes to mind when you wake up is 'I like my socks'?"

Sam couldn't help but snort with embarrassment, while he was out, or rather half out, he had heard Dean and the doctor talking, he heard and if he had the energy, he would have slapped himself on the back of his head. Yes he was told to pee whilst staying in bed, yes he consciously didn't do so just on embarrassment factors alone, but no one told him it was so they could check his pee for stones! He just figured it was because they thought he was too weak to make his own damn way to the bathroom. Then again, now he thought about it, he did think it was pretty stupid that a Stanford almost graduate couldn't figure something so simple like that out. So it was safe to say right now, part of him wished he had listened to the damn doctors. Peeing in a cup in bed was bad enough, passing out like a girl when he saw a little red down the pee hole was just shameful, he definitely wasn't going to live that one down anytime soon.

And of course there was the pain no one told him about when he first pissed, he didn't need a scan to tell him that something had passed down his you know what in the bathroom, it hurt enough. Imagine pissing a burning hot meteor out of your dick, then you'll be a little closer to understanding what it felt like. Also, try doing that standing up, not an easy task, how he didn't pass out sooner before Dean caught him was a mystery.

"When you get outta here, I am gonna kick your ass into next week."

"Yeah, sorry...kinda made a fool of myself huh?"

Dean sighed again, Bruised-ego-Sam wasn't really who he wanted to talk to right now, but his brother was still sick, and still in hospital, so he let it slide, for now.

"And gave me another gray hair, thanks for that by the way," he smirked, Sam would see right through it, but the effort would still get into his thick head if nothing else.

"No problem, so, when can I get outta here?"

Dean's smirk sunk and anger replaced it, _okay, sliding over_. "Do you want that ass kicking early?" he demanded.

"No thank you, it can wait a few hours."

"Dude you are not going home in a 'few hours'," he mocked with quotey fingers. "Thanks to the stunt you pulled in the bathroom, they wanna keep you in here for another night."

"What? Oh come on that's just ridiculous, you can sign me out, please?" Sam tried his puppy eyes on Dean.

"Did I happen to mention I agree with them?"

"You're just saying that to get back at me for not listening to the doctors about where the best place would be for me to take a leak."

"So what if I am? If I say you're staying, regardless whether it's for your health or to teach your damn ass ego a lesson, then you _are_ staying, understood?"

"So you're telling me if it was the other way around, you would have listened to the doctors and let some nurse help you take a piss like some helpless old man with no dignity left to speak of? Let her take your damn boxers off? Let her wipe your ass like you're a vegetable?"

"Well no, but then again I'm the oldest-"

"You can't keep using that excuse, it's so meaningless it doesn't even count anymore."

"If this _was_ the other way around, and I did something as stupid just so my self-esteem wouldn't be hurt, would you let me off the hook or would you harp on about it till the end of time just to teach me a lesson?"

And with that, Dean won the argument, and they sat in silence until the nurse came in to take Sam for the scan. Just so that argument wasn't the last conversation they had for a few hours, Dean tried to act casual and ask him if he wanted to go down with him. Taking the mature approach, Sam blanked his brother and mumbled something to nurse about he could have a damn scan on his own, didn't need someone holding his hand. He regretted it the second his brother was out of his sight, not only was he feeling guilty, but now he was feeling close to terrified again...what if he started going nuts like the last time he was in there?

_Psych ward...here I come._

**SPN**

Sam was just tired, and sick, and taking it out on him, that was all...he wasn't really that pissed, was he?

Dean paced the empty hospital room a few times going over the same thing time and time again, Sam was just feeling a little sorry for himself and taking it out on his brother, that was the best and most logical reasoning for the bitchy-ness he was receiving. Sam had the right to be selfish though at times like this, he had been in nonstop pain for the past week, stuck in hospital for 3 days of that week, only 1 day free from agony. He probably just wanted to go home...well, home being a stretch, 'small box with a bed in for the week' was the correct term.

Speaking of that small box, they hadn't been there for a few days, and their payment on the room ran out today, if he didn't call the front desk and explain the situation, their belongings would be tossed in the street. He thanked the lord this time the weapons were safely stashed in the impala, which also speaking of...was just sitting outside some crap motel room waiting for some mugger to come take her.

He got out his phone but had to leave the hospital building when one of the nurses, surprisingly one of the older ones ordered him to take his call outside.

He was strolling the path in front of the ER entrance having a chat with the motel manager that was getting more heated by the minute. When the guy wouldn't listen to reason, didn't care for hospital sick brother excuses, he said his key needed to be returned and their stuff had to be out of the room by the end of the day or they would in fact be waiting in the street for them. Dean only started yelling and cursing when he mentioned a tow truck would be on the way for his baby in a couple of hours.

_Asshole_ was the only thing that came to Dean's mind as he hung up and walked back inside the building, his wet hair dripping in his eyes..._when did it start raining?_

Maybe the conversation was more heated than he thought, distracting him from the fact that he had been standing a freezing shower of rain, for almost 15 minutes.

When he got back to the room, Sam was already waiting for him...he looked a little upset to say the least, shaken up Dean may have understood, but upset...he didn't expect that.

"Hey man what's up? Something happen?" he looked around the room for...he didn't know what, maybe he would when he saw it.

"I-I thought you left." Sam looked surprised when he looked up from his lap, so surprised it almost hurt Dean, almost, but not quite, offended him however, definitely.

"What? How doped on pain meds are you? Why the hell would I leave?"

"I just figured with the argument and-"

"Okay, let's take a trip down memory lane, when you were 5 and you broke your arm falling outta that tree in Idaho. Dad took you to the hospital and you had to have surgery to set your bone straight, before you were wheeled off into the OR what promise did I make to you?"

Sam frowned, "you'd be here when I woke up?"

"And?"

"And you wouldn't leave."

"Damn straight, I said as long as you were in one of these crappy lumpy hospital beds, I'd always be here waiting for you. We've lasted this long, why would I break that promise now?"

"Dean, I don't still hold you to that man, that was like 18 years ago."

"You might not but I do. I mean it Sam, no matter what's going on with me or however many arguments we have, I'll always be here if you're in hospital, I promise."

"Okay," Sam said softly, feeling like that little scared 5 year old again, needing to believe in that promise, trusting his brothers every word without a shadow of a doubt.

"Okay?" Dean asked, his voice firm but kind.

"Okay," Sam nodded, this time assured his brother was staying, no matter what. "Hey Dean listen I'm-"

"Yeah I know, me too." Dean cleared his throat awkwardly before speaking again. "So, how did the scan go?"

"Okay, still loud...no burning hell fire this time though."

"Well your fevers gone so I hope so."

"Jerk."

"Bitch."

Sam smiled, really smiled for the first time in ages. His brother drove him up the wall most days, but he was so glad Dean had impossible promises to himself in times like this, Dean was good at keeping promises to him, he was even better at keeping them with himself. Basically, Dean wasn't going anywhere...Sam was so glad.

"Why are you wet? Trying to turn your cold into pneumonia? Get yourself into one of these beds? Steel my thunder?"

"Haha, smart ass, I had to take a call outside, it was raining."

Dean dried himself off and sat there for half an hour in soaked clothes listening to Sam's bitching about how he was going to get sicker if he didn't ask a nurse for some dry scrubs or something, even when his clothes had dried, Sam still carried on. At least he was well enough to do the normal Sammy bitching. Like they say, every cloud has a silver lining...or something like that. What the hell was he talking about? Maybe he was sick.

**SPN**

"I am sorry. But it looks like you'll be here for at least another couple of nights," with that the doctor left.

"So...still 3 stones left, that's not so bad, he said they were small right?"

Sam nodded, Dean was trying to cheer him up, he was grateful, but it wasn't working, he wasn't stupid. It took him almost a week to pass 1 stone, now he had three more to go, didn't take a genius to work that one out. He didn't care about the pain anymore, that was getting old, but he did care about his sanity, and it wasn't going to hold out for much longer if his luck kept running this bad. He also knew they should have gotten a move on by now, should have been searching for their dad some more, could have covered a whole new state in the time he had been laid up in bed. But no, that would have been the easy thing to do, Sam Winchester liked to keep people on their toes.

"Come on man it'll be alright, you'll be fine."

"Yeah," Sam breathed with not much conviction as he stared down at his blanket at picked at the loose threads.

"Hey, bright side, they got pain meds here so it won't be that bad."

"S'not what bothers me," Sam shrugged, okay that only half a lie, maybe he was a little worried about the pain he knew was coming, and soon.

"Then what does?" Dean already knew the answer, Sam hated hospital, pure and simple, who doesn't? But maybe if Sam wanted to talk...it would help_...doubtful, but its worth a try._

"I just...really hate hospitals."

"Yeah, I know you do."

Dean patted his brothers arm before he checked his watch, _damn it!_

"Listen, I really hate to do this to you man but I gotta go out for an hour or so."

"What? Why? Where?"

"Motel, I called this afternoon, the guys kicking us out, couldn't even reason with him to pay for another few nights, he wants us gone and if I don't go pack up he's tossing our things into the street."

"How you gonna get there?"

"I dunno, bus, how else do people with no cars get around?"

"Make sure you take a shower before handing the keys back, you stink."

"Oh right, and that sponge bath made you smell like roses did it?" Dean smirked.

"More so than you. Eat something too, I can hear your stomach begging for food from here."

"Yes mom."

Dean stood from the chair his ass print was now permanently etched into before he grabbed the pitcher from Sam's bedside table and poured some water into the cup the nurse brought in with it. "Here," he handed it to his brother who took a few mouthfuls before handing it back. "All of it," Dean ordered and didn't move an inch until Sam drank the whole cup full. When he took the empty cup back he filled it yet again and left it on the side table within Sam's reach. "Make sure you keep drinking, you know what the doc said, if you don't drink, stones won't pass."

"Wouldn't want that now would we?"

"_Sam_."

"I'm kidding, I'll drink I swear, just go already. Unlike you, I don't want my clothes soaked in rain, it'll cover my rose sponge bath sent."

Dean put his newly dried leather jacket on then left after a small warning of if Sam needed help, he was to press the call button and if he could, tell the nurses to call him up and he would be there, with or without their belongings, he didn't really care.

_**TBC...**_


	9. They say you're getting better

_**Wonderful helper-er (that should so be a word!) - **__**DiTab1**_

_**Side kick/Beta-**_ _**MonkeyMuse**_

**They say you're getting better, **

**but you don't feel any better**

After 2 buses, a rather long walk and a quick jog, Dean returned to their motel room to find the manager waiting outside, too close to his baby for his liking. _Why don't you just sit on her next time jackass?_ _And so much for that shower_.

At least there was no tow truck in sight, and it was still pouring it down, if this guy had nothing better to do than badger his clients and stand in freezing cold rain, that was his problem.

"You're late, the tow truck is on its way." Dean highly doubted that, he was an expert at meaningless threats, when you've told as many as he had, you sort of know when people make them towards you before they even do.

"I've still got 20 minutes left," he grumbled once he looked at his watch. _I'll be long gone in 5._ The room was open, probably because rushing out the door into an ambulance with your baby brother screaming in agony sort of took priority over locking the damn motel room.

"You've got 18 minutes to get that piece of junk off my car park before they arrive." _ Like I said, meaningless_.

Dean didn't have the patience for this today, he swore if he had the time, and paid with a real credit card, he would report this jerk, they had been in some crap holes before but this guys attitude took the cake.

While manager ass hat waited outside, watching his every move, he took the time to fold Sam's clothes into his duffle carefully, the ones he left on the back of the motel chair, the few in the bathroom, he collected his toiletries and zipped up his brothers stuff. He folded the foam mattress and pillow back into their packaging and closed up the bottle of pain pills and stuffed them in his pocket, no need to pack those away, he needed one when he had cleared out, his head was pounding.

Then he picked up his own clothes and stuffed them wherever they would fit into his bag before doing the same with the rest of his things. He didn't try to conceal the knife he left under his pillow and gave a silent smirk to himself when he put it back in the leather casing and set it at the top of his bag. As he did so he caught the look of fear in ass hats eyes, he totally deserved that, and it wasn't like owning a large sharp object was illegal, so he couldn't be arrested for that one could he.

Last he packed up Sam's laptop and battery neatly knowing his brother was always one to moan about damage to the wires if he didn't do so.

He took a quick glance around the room checking if he had left anything, when he saw nothing but messed bed sheets and empty kitchen sides he picked up all three bags, handed the keys to the guy on the way past then opened the car and put their things in the backseat.

When he turned around, the guy was long gone, he smirked yet again popped 2 pills dry then got in the front seat of his baby and drove back to the hospital, he could get a shower there in Sam's bathroom and some food at the cafeteria in the hospital, that's what both those things were for right? Okay maybe the shower in Sam's room was for Sam but it's not like he would be using it today.

When he got back, both bags and laptop in hand, Sam was sleeping soundly with his stuffed meerkat, the pitcher at the side of his bed was empty and no nightmares were brewing by the looks of things so that left Dean with half an hour at the least to have a nice warm shower.

He set Sam's duffle down on the chair and his laptop bag on the side table and took his own into the bathroom. One last check on his brother before he closed the door, turned on the shower then got undressed. As he stood under the spray his only thought was he only hoped if Sam woke up needing a pee, he would actually use one of those bottle things and stay in bed this time, and not just because he didn't want Sam barging in the bathroom while he was getting dried or something.

**SPN**

19 minutes later Sam woke up to the sound of a shower shutting off, for a second he thought just maybe he was in some crap motel and had fallen asleep in front of a butt load of research. When he caught the stench of bleach and the sight of nothing but grey and white, his imagination was shot down by reality.

"Dean?" he called, he wasn't sure why, he knew it was his brother in the bathroom, his singing was loud enough. _Guess Dean returned the keys before getting a shower._

"Yeah? You okay?" he half yelled back.

"Yeah." _No, I'm dying for a pee. Super. Please Dean take your time._

Dean knew better, didn't take a genius to figure Sam was a little troubled so he hurried to get dressed, didn't even bother drying his hair before he stepped out of the bathroom in newly washed jeans and a clean t-shirt.

"What's up?" he asked straightening his top on his shoulders.

"I have to...I have to pee." Sam's color changed from milky white to slightly red.

"Okay...well you need to use this," Dean handed the strange shape bottle thing to his brother avoiding his eyes, mostly for Sam's sake, a little for his own. "You want a nurse to help you or-"

"No, I can manage. Uh..." Sam motioned a loop twirl with his free hand.

"Right, sorry," Dean turned around, pulled the curtain shut around his brother's bed as he stepped out. If Sam needed help, he'd know.

But, as it turned out, Sam passed his second stone without a hitch, there was a little hiccup from inside the curtain, a long trickle then Sam cleared his throat signalling that it was safe for Dean to come back in.

Dean still kept his eyes low as he took the bottle from his brother's shaky hand, "I'll...go give this to a nurse," he mumbled before leaving the room. Sam had just mastered the art of peeing in a cup in bed, taking the bottle out to a member of staff was the least Dean could do.

He has also left the curtain closed still so Sam was out of sight when he opened the room door, it would give Sam a few minutes to compose himself before he was ready to look up again, pretending like that wasn't an awkward as it was.

"Not that bad," he shrugged when Dean came back empty handed, with an inkling of worry to his face.

Dean had been avoiding the issue of watching his brother go through that pain again 3 more times, denial was a wonderful thing but it soon faded. Watching Sam writhe around in agony was his worst nightmare coming to life, he didn't want to have to go through that again, much less Sam. But if the next 2 stones went like the last one, he could deal with that, both of them could. Because he didn't care what Sam said about not being bothered, he was shit scared, even now, Dean could tell. Demons, spirits, monsters they could handle, health problems, they couldn't, it was just too damn normal and normal meant it wasn't for the Winchesters.

**SPN**

Dean was sitting eating a giant family sized bag of Doritos and Sam was nibbling on the handful he'd been given and ordered to by Dean when the doctor came in. He announced that Sam was now 2 stones away from being released and as all of them were relatively the same size, they would all be as easily passed as that second one. Too bad he was wrong right?

"Dean make it stop!" Sam sobbed for the 16th time in half an hour, half an hour of being curled up in a tight ball, tears down his face and silent screams coming from his lips. Nurses came in every so often but left by Dean's orders because they only distressed Sam further and the meds they were giving him weren't going crap.

"It's alright man, it'll pass, it's okay."

Dean was now sharing the bed with Sam, holding him to his chest because by this time it was the only way to stop Sam from thrashing. With one hand Dean held the one Sam had the IV in tightly to stop him from ripping it out and with his other hand he held the back of Sam's head knowing it was the only place he could offer comfort without causing more harm.

"Dee!" Sam begged curling even tighter before Dean stopped him, curling up might help now, it wasn't going to do his 6.4 brother any favours later.

"Ssshh, just ride it out Sammy, just slow it down man, it'll go away soon."

Trouble was, the only way to get stones to pass was to have a pee, and the only way to have a pee was to drink. And getting your screaming brother to have a drink and keep it down was easier said than done, a lot easier. Not only did Sam not want to drink, but he couldn't sit up long enough nor stop shaking for long enough to take a sip. That didn't stop Dean from trying though, he'd even made one of the nurses get his brother a straw so he could have a drink without choking too much whilst laying down. Or rather, half laying on him and half hanging over the edge of the bed.

"H-hu-rts," Sam whimpered, Dean noticed his brother was getting breathless, that wasn't a good sign.

"I know, just fight it, kick it in the ass Sammy." That theory never worked for him, the time he had that god awful migraine and his dad said imagine kicking the pain's ass, right hooks, kicks in the gut, whatever killed the basted, as far as he knew it didn't work for Sam either, but Dean was willing to try anything at this point.

Just like half an hour ago when the pain started, Dean once again spotted his brothers thumb in his mouth, at first he thought Sam was sucking his thumb, he didn't care if he was, but when he saw the blood dribble down Sam's hand he knew what he was actually doing. Sam had been in so much pain he had sunk his teeth into his skin enough to make it bleed.

He pulled Sam's thumb from his mouth and replaced it with the meerkat's leg, Sam could bite into that all he damn well liked, if he bit the damn leg off he didn't care, he'd by a new one, he couldn't by Sam a new thumb.

"It's okay Tiger, it'll go away, just hold on for me." This was the first time on a long time he had used the old nickname their father used to use when they were sick or hurt...just because, because he thought Sam needed it now. "I need you to drink some more kiddo, come on it'll help," he grabbed the cup of water with the hand that was on the back of Sam's head and guided the straw to his brothers mouth.

Sam took small sips and Dean didn't take it away until he was happy with the amount left in the cup, that amount being nil.

_I'm dying, someone please just make it stop, I just want it to stop._

"It'll stop soon Sammy." Dean quickly wiped away the tears with his thumb.

_Am I saying these pathetic things out loud again?_

"It's gonna get better, it'll stop, I promise you." Dean knew it would stop, but for how long?

Sam wheezed a few times before crying out again, his knuckles whitening so much Dean thought his brother's skin was going to crack.

"Alright, just breathe Sammy."

Another long whimper, a press on his bladder and Dean knew Sam had to pee, _finally_.

It was harder than the stone Sam was able to pass on his own, this time he wasn't leaving Sam alone, and this time it required assistance.

He pressed hard on the call button over and over again until the nurse rushed in.

"He has to pee," were Dean's only words before the nurse helped Sam to roll over in such a way that made it so easy for his brother to do his business. At first Dean wondered how she did that, then he thought, it was her job after all, _duh_. As he stood from the bed and out of the way Sam looked up and over at his brother, he looked betrayed somehow, he looked utterly humiliated as the nurse helped him out.

Dean wanted to slap his brother, even after all this, Sam still worried more about his independent imagine than having help when he needed it. Did the nurse care she was helping out a 23 year old pee? No, like he said, that was her job! She had probably done this with patients up and down the ward fifty times today.

**SPN**

After 10 minutes or so Sam had finally emptied his bladder and Dean was now in the process of calming his brother down.

Sam didn't say anything, Dean either thought he didn't need to, or just didn't care to.

"Let's get you cleaned up," Sam hadn't peed himself or anything of the sort, but Dean knew Sam would feel better after a few minutes alone and a quick run of a wet cloth on his face.

He helped his brother to the bathroom where Sam sat on the chair close to the sink and cleaned himself up discreetly, the tears gone but his red eyes were still a dead giveaway. He came back to lay on the bed, it seemed dirty now, it seemed unclean as he laid back against the pillow, truly exhausted but too miserable to care.

"You alright man?" Dean asked as he sat back on the chair by the bed.

Sam nodded.

"Does it still hurt?"

Sam shrugged, Dean took that as a 'kinda but it's not that bad.' At least his breathing was better now.

"Here, drink this, sooner the next round comes the sooner it goes."

Sam nodded, he preferred quick and horrifying over slow and torturous. He was definitely a rip the band aid off kind of guy. Most certainly his father's son.

"That's my boy," Dean praised as Sam gulped down yet another cup full of water, at least he'd gotten over the nausea and fever thanks to some meds that actually worked, he couldn't say the same about the painkillers. He wasn't even asking for anymore, he didn't see the point, they made you foggy but didn't get rid of the pain, what was the damn point of that?

_Oh god..._

He wriggled and let a tear slip out when he could literally feel something inside shift. _Here comes the next one...and the last, thank the lord in heaven._

"Next one coming?" Dean asked already standing to get back on the bed again.

Sam nodded, leaned over a touch to let Dean sit next to him then turned back over when his brother was still, he then grabbed a handful of Dean's shirt to prepare himself. The eldest Winchester clamped a hand over Sam's and got ready himself. _Here we go again..._

**TBC...**

_**I really hope you guys aren't sort of disappointed Dean wasn't hurt on his little outing, I hope it wasn't an anti climax with him and you were expecting something else...here's to hoping! **_


	10. Sammy and De

_**Wonderful helper-er (that should so be a word!) - **__**DiTab1**_

_**Side kick/Beta-**_ _**MonkeyMuse**_

**Sammy and De**

Sam finally in the early hours of the morning, about three in the morning, passed his last stone, it wasn't as bad at the first or third, not quite as good as the second.

"How you doing man?" Dean asked gripping his brother's hand tighter as Sam continued to rock himself through the passing of the last murderous little fucker.

"I don't feel good." That was the first conscious lucid answer from Sam in a while, it wasn't what Dean wanted to hear but at last Sam wasn't lying out of his ass anymore, it saved them some time in the bicker department.

Dean sighed then placed his other hand on Sam's head, it was normal now for Dean's hand to be there, it was one of very few parts of Sam that wasn't hurting too bad, sure he had a headache like hell, his brains were coming out of his ears but that was like Disneyland compared to the rest of his body. So it was worth the little extra string into his skull by his brother's hand just to know Dean was still there helping him through.

Dean took the hand from the back of his brother's head to touch Sam's clammy cheek, his fever had come back thanks to the strain on his body from these last few stones and Dean wasn't too happy his brother seemed to be getting worse because of it. It wasn't too bad but no fever at all was even better. All in all, Sam didn't look good, Dean had seen more color in a sheet of paper. "You gonna puke?"

Sam swallowed hard, considered lying, but decided it would be useless, Dean didn't have to know him through and through this time to tell he was talking shit. "Probably." And then he did.

Supporting his brothers wishes, Dean didn't call a nurse in that time, he just stood by Sam and offered a hand wherever needed, be that a comforting one or one to support his brother from keeling off the bed while he puked or peed. Then alas, once Sam puked, he was ready to pee, and when he was done, his knees gave out in relief, he didn't need a doctor to tell him, the stones were gone. It was about damn time.

This whole ordeal had been hard it had taken its toll on Sam's usually steady emotions when it came to pain and once again he found himself fighting the urge to sob into his brother's shoulder as they both waited the night out, neither of them getting much sleep, if any. Sam didn't cry though, he'd had enough embarrassment to last him a life time this past week without adding to it.

After the very early doctor rounds, a quick prod of his stomach and surrounding areas, an exhausted, fever and stone free Sam was released, handed a butt load of pills and allowed to go home with his brother.

Not counting the time's while Sam passed the murderous little stones, Dean was pretty sure when Sam was given the all clear it was the first time he'd seen his brother cry since Jess's funeral. Difference was, this time it was happy tears, over the moon thank god the torture and pain and shire shame of weakness is over. Not to mention the sleep deprivation, the after effects of the drugs and the lasting memories of the pain...maybe that added to Sam's tears too. At least Sam was mostly crying with happy relief, that was something.

Although no AMA forms were signed, Sam was technically going against medical advice when he pleaded to go home. The doctor agreed but they were told strictly if Sam felt dizzy, his fever came back or he was unable to keep his food down, they had to come back, no ifs or buts about it.

"Most kidney stones are caused by too much calcium in your system, but this doesn't mean should ever resort to a low calcium diet, when the amount of calcium intake decreases in a person's diet, the amount of something called 'oxalate' in your bloodstream increases; oxalate is a very strong promoter of calcium oxalate precipitation, about 15 times stronger than calcium."

"Keep drinking milk and eating cheese, got it," Sam nodded, his gaze always shifting from the doctor to his brother.

"We do recommend you lower your protein intake though, but this doesn't mean cut it down to nothing or as near as, just lower the amount of steaks and so on. As for the other type of stones, we can't know if there's something we can give you to prevent this from happening again unless we run some more tests and something tells me you guys won't be sticking around long enough for us to investigate further."

Dean was about to protest, if Sam did have something wrong with his kidneys, some sort of disorder they could fix, it was worth sticking around to get some tests done right? Sam didn't think so.

"No, we need to get back on the road," Sam glared Dean down until he agreed as well, sort of.

"If this ever happens again, we're getting you checked out with every damn test possible Sammy, I mean it."

"Fine, but it won't, it'll be the first one right doc?"

"That would be my guess yes but as I said, we can't guarantee anything-"

"Without more test, yeah, I got it."

"Now can we go?" Sam looked to Dean for that one.

"Not just yet..." after part one of the wonderful world of the kidney stones, Sam was asked if he wanted to keep his souvenirs from the horrific ordeal.

_Who the hell in their right mind would want to take those damn evil stones home? What were they, ornaments to place on the fireplace, like some kind of sick Trophy? Hey look, I had kidney stones and look what the hospital let me keep! Cool, I think not._

Well, that and when Sam was told he would have to keep the stent in for a while until they were sure he hadn't caught any infections or no new stones were formed for him to pass. Both brothers were damn sure that keeping some foreign object up _there_ would cause more infections than the kidney stones themselves. They were assured that wasn't the case and when Sam felt well enough, he could take it out himself, just pull the string and out it would be. When he bellowed a very loud "WHAT?" he was told it was either that or come back to the hospital for a nice old nurse to take it out for him. Sam of course chose the first one he took a glance at the clothes his big brother had set out for him, before dressing quicker than Dean had ever seen.

In the car Sam started to doze off, the meds the doc had given him were making him sleeping. He had taken today's pills as soon as Dean stopped for gas and got him a bottle of water to wash them down with. Now just ten0 minutes later they were working, the soreness and slight rawness the stones had left his kidneys feeling was dulled a little along with his brain. So dopey Sam yet again started spewing words lucid Sam knew would scare his brother. Lucid Sam would not be happy with dopey Sam when he woke up.

"At least if I'm ever captured and tortured I'll have an extremely high threshold for pain now."

"That's great Sammy," Dean groaned.

"Yeah, that's what I said, it'll be great."

_Super, high Sammy thinks there's an upside in torture, he sounds far too eager to try his new 'threshold' thing out._

"They won't get a thing from me unless they chop my dick off and feed it to me, I'm pretty sure that's the only thing worse than kidney stones."

"You actually thought about that?"

"Well, when something is pealing your kidneys inside out and then lighting them on fire inside your body, your mind wanders. I was trying to make myself feel better, telling myself there had to be something more painful than kidney stones."

"And a dick-ectamy was the only thing you could come up with?"

Sam shrugged, it was meant to be a joke, Dean had turned three shades paler and ten0 shades greener listening to Sam's explanation of pain. Okay, kidney stones were so off limits and if those things ever went after his brother again, he would tear the world apart looking for the asshole monster that created them, because no way was it natural.

**SPN**

An hour later they had finally narrowed down themselves a good motel. Sam's blessed high ranting hadn't lasted very long and he was drooling on Dean's shoulder within about five minutes after his dick-ectamy speech, not quite asleep, not quite awake.

Dean slipped out from his seat carefully making sure his brother hadn't been leaning on him too much that when he moved Sam fell flat on his face and got a mouth full of leather upholstery. Luckily Sam knew they had stopped and knew Dean getting out to go pay for a room so he pushed himself up and turned so he was drooling on the window instead.

It wasn't long when Dean came jogging back with a key card and helping him out of the car.

_Wait, key card, this place actually has key cards? Huh, fancy._

"Alright, easy man."

As Dean held a hand to his back, never would Sam have thought it would be so difficult to walk, it was only one foot in front of the other, he'd been doing it for years, he'd mastered it at around the age of two. He was so good he'd not only mastered the art of walking, but he was a damn good runner too, at one high school he'd made it on the sprinting team. With the way he was stumbling with every step right now, you wouldn't have thought he'd even known how to hold himself up, well that or he had spent his evening drinking up a liquor store.

_Left foot up, left foot down, right foot up, right foot down, left foot up, left foot down, right foot-_

"You're doing good Sammy," his brother praised breaking his flow enough to make him falter and very nearly fall. "Whoa, I got you," Dean pulled him back up by fisting the front of his shirt and tightening the arm around his waist.

"Y'always'ave," Sam mumbled tiredly, no wait, scratch that, exhaustedly.

Dean smiled then carried on with no smart ass remarks as he opened their new motel room with the key card, yes this motel actually had freakin' key cards!

He took a moment to take it all in, the high tech keys, the movement censored lights, the for once silent heating. After a bit of amazed gazing he guided Sam to bed furthest from the door, laughing as he did so. He knew Sam liked his sleep when he was sick, he liked it even more when he was sick _and_ tired. There had been countless incidents after long hard hunts where Sam would fall asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, before he even took his gun out of the back of his jeans. But this had to be the first time Dean has seen anyone, even Sam fall asleep mid fall to the pillow.

Before he could snuggle himself into the mattress, Dean pulled off his brother's shoes, next his jacket and didn't want to think about the rest until finally, Sam was clad in boxers and a t-shirt. Obviously sensing Dean was done tugging his limbs, Sam turned on his side, tilted his head close to his chest, pulled up his knees and hugged the pillow protectively then let out a happy peaceful sigh, he was glad to be home alright.

After having a quick snort, waiting for him to get comfy, Dean pulled the covers from under his brother, tucked Sam in, moved the hair from his eyes and listened to his steady breathing, something that hadn't been there since this whole thing started. Even in the hospital doped up on the good stuff, Sam's breathing just wasn't quite right until now.

"Can't even stay awake long enough for your new nurse huh? Shame, she's hot, totally out of your league."

Sam didn't even flinch.

Dean watched him for a few minutes, maybe longer, then stood from the edge of his own bed and walked towards the door and out to his car.

After unpacking their stuff from the trunk and dropping the appropriate bags next to the appropriate bed Dean kicked off his boots and swung off his jacket, dropping it on a chair. He looked at Sam again, something was missing, he then fished through his brother's duffel and retrieved the stuffed animal he had named Dork. He smirked at the bitten into meerkat then walked to Sam's bed he tucked it under his arm careful not to wake him much, then got out his cell and clicked the camera on.

_Snap. _He was gonna pay for that one day in hell but when again would he have this kind of Kodak opportunity? Hopefully, never.

He took one look at the picture, considered pressing delete, but ended up pressing save, maybe he just wouldn't tell Sam about this one.

Then making himself useful he unpacked a few important things, his knife, Sam's pills and gathered a few tissues from the fancy box in the bathroom. He then found himself lying on his bed staring around the well painted, immaculately dressed, and freshly smelling room. The heating was perfect, toasty for the freezing weather outside, but not too stuffy it would cause either of them a headache, not to mention it had only been ten0 minutes or so since they stepped in the room, and it was already warm. When they returned to their usual stays, it would be painful, hard to let go of this place now they had seen how the other half lived.

_Not too shabby_, one of the best motels they had stayed in their whole lives, the cleanest most certainly. But that had been deliberate on Dean's part, you can't really avoid kidney infections in a motel room built to breed the plague. He had chosen a nice one this time, he had thought about it as they drove past three or four between here and the hospital deciding they weren't good enough for his brother's recuperation. Motels were no place to get well, rotting motels even less so, but a good motel, that would have to do and Sam seemed to be fine with that.

Having taken Sam's unused pillow, Dean's head was now propped up with three against the headboard, he did plan on getting comfy then grabbing Sam's laptop for a bit of light research, or maybe grabbing the remote to see if any re-runs of Ghostbusters was on. Or maybe first he would just rest his eyes, just until his nose started dribbling...just for a second.

He groaned when that dribble of snot came too soon, he reached over blindly and his hand found one of the tissues, he brought it to his nostrils and blew hard before coughing worse.

When he was done, tossing the now green Kleenex into the bin between their beds he heard his brother whimper. Awake instantly, he left his bed and placed a hesitant hand on Sam's back, rubbing in a comforting motion, glad Sam didn't scream when he did so in what felt like forever.

"Don't worry kiddo, we'll both be back on top form before you know it. We'll be okay Sammy." Sam hated that name almost as much as he hated being called Samuel, he corrected Dean every damn time he used it...but lately, not once had Sam snapped his head off at the baby name he considered far too immature for his age now. Recently, Sam had taken that nickname as an act of comfort, as a reassurance that he was still a little kid, and Dean, his big kick ass brother would always be watching out for him and not let anything bad happen to him at all.

"Thanks De..."

When Sam was Sammy, he felt safe. When Dean was De...Sam was more than safe, that's all Dean could wish for.

**The End.**

_I want to say a HUGE thank you so everyone who has helped me with medical info, everyone of my lovely sidekick friends, and all my sweet review-er's! MWAH X _

_I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing!_

****P.S!****

**NO PROMISES! **_But I'm kinda bored now, I have jilch inspiration for all my WIP's in my writing folder and I wanna do something so if any of you guys have any thing(one shot plots preferably!)...I'll try but like I said, no promises on anything or anyone!_

_**One condition though,**__if I do get my lazy butt to write something, if you suggested it, you must help me write it cos I get thrown an idea then I ask about a million questions on where, when, how, who, and what...basically, if I'm given an image, I always need to know I'm drawing it right! I'd hate for you to tell me a plot then I make it completely go in the wrong direction because I didn't ask enough. But like I said, something in real life might come up or my muse might leave (right now her bags are just packed!) _


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